Hostage of the Heart
by Netsrik1
Summary: AU from "47 Seconds" Late one evening an explosion rocks the precinct. Kate is there after hours and is taken hostage along with the rest of the late shift. Castle never returned after finding out Kate remembered her shooting. Will he come back to help the boys try to rescue her and the other police officers?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I'm back! It's been quite the few weeks, hasn't it? I enjoyed the finale, as I've enjoyed all of season 8, but it does make me sad that we won't see all the "could have beens". But that's what fanfic is for! :)_

 _However, this one is a season 4 fic, AU from "47 Seconds". From a prompt on castlefanficprompts on Tumblr, which will be posted at the end of the chapter._

 _I'm not sure how long this story will be, but I hope you enjoy! :)_

 **XXXXXX**

It was a day like any other.

Wait. No it wasn't.

Shit.

Kate sighed and poured herself a cup of the monkey pee coffee.

Ever since Castle had disappeared from the precinct during her interrogation of Bobby Lopez – and pretty much off the face of the earth – Kate hadn't had the heart to use the cappuccino machine. She'd finally got the hang of using it, but without Castle the decoction left a worse taste in her mouth than the precinct sludge.

He hadn't called, he hadn't taken any of her calls, and then in this morning's Ledger, there was a picture of him on a date with some blonde.

The headline read: _"New muse for 'Nikki Heat' author?"_

That had hurt. Kate may have not liked being called his muse at first, but she'd gained perspective after being shot, and – Sophia Turner notwithstanding – she liked being the inspiration for her favorite author. She didn't want anyone to replace her – for more than just that reason.

She took a sip of the hot beverage and grimaced.

Maybe she had just gone off coffee in general. Maybe she should start getting her caffeine fix from soda instead.

Dumping the dregs, Kate went back to the mound of paperwork sitting on her desk. In a way, it made Castle's absence easier since he never came in on paperwork days – but even then he would usually call just to pull her pigtails.

She sighed at the pile and dove in.

 **XXXXXX**

Three hours later, when Kate came up for air, the inbox hardly seemed to have a dent in it. It looked just as high as it had when she began. The pile in the outbox _was_ bigger, but that was the only indication that she had actually been working.

She jumped when Esposito spoke up.

"Hey, Beckett, you've been awfully quiet today."

"It's called working, Espo. Maybe you should try it," she replied in an acerbic tone as she stood and stretched.

"Hey, I'm just saying…since Cas—"

Kate cut him off. "I'm going to grab some lunch. You guys want something?"

"You know you can talk to us about anything," piped up Ryan.

Kate's eyes narrowed.

"So, nothing for you two then?"

She walked out of the precinct without another word, feeling proud that she had kept her frustration under control.

 **XXXXXX**

Standing in line at Remy's, Kate decided she'd been a little harsh with the boys. True, she hadn't yelled, but _'come on, Kate,'_ she chastised herself. They were just as confused about Castle's behavior as she was.

Feeling guilty, she ordered three burgers, extra pickles for Ryan, no onion for Esposito, fries and shakes – chocolate for the boys, strawberry for her.

"Nothing for that handsome writer of yours?" asked Ruby, the waitress manning the take out register.

Kate blanched a little.

 _'_ _No longer mine'_ , she thought. _'If he ever was.'_ Apparently, Ruby hadn't seen the Ledger.

"No active case today," she hedged, evading the full story. "Castle didn't come in."

"Well, bring him in next time," Ruby ordered with a smile as she handed Kate the bags of food. "I haven't seen him in awhile."

Kate smiled wanly and thanked Ruby, adding – "We'll see."

 **XXXXXX**

Ryan and Esposito were both away from their desks when Kate arrived back at the precinct. She could see Ryan in the break room getting coffee, so she figured Espo was around somewhere.

At least they weren't down at the morgue commiserating with Lanie.

Placing the food and shakes on the detectives respective desks, Kate sat and opened the wrapping on her own burger.

Looking down at her meal, Kate's mind went back to the last time she and Castle had gone to Remy's.

 _The team had just closed the murder of a 17 year old girl. It had disturbed everyone, but none more than Rick, who saw parallels everywhere to Alexis. Kate had sent him home several times during the case just to hug his daughter, spend a little time with her and then come back. She wanted to just send him home to stay, especially those times where it seemed to be too much for him, but she understood that he wanted to be a part of getting justice for their victim – and she didn't want to deprive him of that. But at the same time she also knew that he needed to regroup more often than she and the boys did. This was big for him and even though Alexis was growing up, he needed the reassurance of his little girl._

 _When the killer was finally caught, (the girls English teacher, because she refused his advances and told him she was going to report him) Rick treated Kate to Remy's. He'd ordered Chinese for the rest of the homicide department, but he said he needed comfort food and "because you understood my feelings, Kate", he took her to eat in at the burger joint._

 _He requested a table in the back so they could have some privacy and then completely broke down._

 _"_ _I know it wasn't Alexis," he told her, tears running down his face. "But, God, Kate. She was somebody's little girl. And…" he paused, trying to get a hold of himself. "How do you do it, Kate? How do you turn it off?"_

 _Kate sat for a moment, thinking about how to answer._

 _"_ _It's not that I turn it off Rick. I do compartmentalize it; I have to in order to do my job. But that doesn't mean I don't mourn the victim. In this case, I had to tamp it down even more for you. You needed me to be strong, so I was."_

 _"_ _Thank you," was all Castle was able to reply because he was still crying._

 _It was enough._

Kate was jolted out of her musings by Ryan and Esposito returning to their desks. She offered a small smile and a nod to the food and they grinned back. No other apology or acceptance was necessary.

The boys fell on their burgers and nothing more was said.

 **XXXXXX**

The mind numbingness of the day dragged on. Even with the olive branch of lunch it was clear to Ryan and Esposito that Kate didn't want to talk, especially about Castle, so they left her alone except to ask if she wanted some coffee when one or the other went for a refill.

She accepted once, but the brew still tasted like sawdust.

At 5:00, the boys packed up and headed out. Espo had a hot date, and Ryan was taking Jenny to dinner and a musical that had recently opened on Broadway called _"Once"_.

Kate looked at the paperwork still in her inbox, finally feeling that she had made some progress on getting the pile down. It was still higher than her outbox, but improvement had been made.

Captain Gates came out of her office and walked over to Kate.

"Bullpen's pretty empty, Detective. You should head out too."

 _"_ _Head out to what?"_ Kate thought, but didn't voice it.

"I'll stay a little longer, Captain," she said instead. "I need a good workout upstairs."

Gates nodded. Then as she turned away she remarked; "I noticed in the paper this morning that Mr. Castle may have left us permanently."

Kate winced at the mention of the Ledger. Trust her captain to bring it up.

"It seems that way, Sir," she replied, a little shortly.

 _Tone it down a little, Kate. She's not the reason he left, she didn't force him out and certainly didn't tell him to never contact us – me again. Gates is just trying to be nice to you._

"Have you thought that it might be for the best? He's not a cop."

Kate looked stricken.

"He's my partner," was all she could say.

Gates nodded again, opened her mouth to say something more about what kind of partner Castle was – professional or personal – but then decided against it.

"Don't stay too long, Kate," she stated as she headed to the elevator.

"Yes, Sir."

As the night shift came trickling in, Kate stood and popped her spine.

She watched the others setting up their desks for the long night ahead and thought – not for the first time – about switching her shifts to nights. There was something about the alone time with the short staff that appealed to her just now.

But no, that was hiding. And as alluring as that was to her, the fascination of solving cases and getting justice for the victims, and _seeing_ the faces of family members when she told them an arrest had been made was more so.

She had already been hiding from Castle, and he was tired of it – or of her, and she didn't want the same thing to happen to her team. Kevin, Javier and Lanie were as much her family as her dad was, and she wasn't prepared to lose that to something as selfish as working graveyards while she licked her wounds.

Kate shook herself out of her reverie and headed up the stairs.

 **XXXXXX**

The workout she put herself through was brutal. Chin-ups followed by crunches followed by the bag until she couldn't lift her arms.

She was angry.

Angry with Castle for leaving without saying why, with the boys for trying to comfort her when it was clear she didn't want comforting, with Gates for thinking – and saying – it was all for the best.

But most of all; Kate was angry at herself.

It was her fault, she knew it. She didn't know what she did to piss Castle off enough to revert back to the 9 year old on a sugar rush, but somehow she knew it was on her.

Kate collapsed backwards onto the mat after a series of sit-ups. Looking up at the clock on the wall above the chin up bar, she was surprised to find it was 8:00. She'd been doing this for three solid hours. No wonder she was exhausted, but that was what she wanted. To wear herself out so she could sleep without wondering about Castle.

She stood and strode into the locker room, looking forward to a long steaming shower.

As soon as she set the water to scalding, Kate stepped into the spray. She quickly soaped up and rinsed, then stood and soaked in the hot water for a few more minutes.

An enormous explosion rocked the precinct.

Kate stumbled and slipped on the slick surface of the tile, trying to gain purchase by grabbing the shower curtain before she fell.

She jumped out of the stall, grabbed her towel and began running toward the stairs. If she needed to get out, she needed to get out _now_ ; towel be damned.

Her mind was racing a mile a minute. What had happened? Gas leak explosion? That was the best case, not that anything about the situation could ever be the 'best case'. But she didn't want to think about anything else it could be.

She heard shouts coming from below her as she began to descend the steps, but just before she called out, she saw a man with an assault rifle and wearing a Halloween monster mask come into view.

Oh, hell. So much for a best case scenario.

The man was turned away from her so she was able to tear back up the stairs and into the locker room without him seeing her – she hoped.

Kate grabbed her clothing and her phone, dialing 911 as she threw on her shirt and pulled on her pants. She decided to forego the underwear, it took too much time.

 _Shit! Shit! Shit!_

She had forgotten the locker room was a dead zone. Even an emergency call wasn't going through.

Kate looked around for a place to hide. There wasn't much – just the bathroom stalls – which would be the first place she would look if someone was trying to hide from her.

Too late.

The man wearing the horror mask entered the locker room and saw Kate. Whether he had seen or heard her running or not, he had come upstairs to check.

Kate swallowed hard and raised her hands in surrender. Her gun was locked in her desk, but it wouldn't have mattered if she'd brought it up with her. There just hadn't been time.

The man said nothing to her, just pulled the trigger.

 **XXXXXX**

 _A/N 2: Sorry about the cliffhanger! (no I'm not mwahahahah!) The next chapter will be from Castle's POV. It's halfway written so it should be up sooner rather than later. I'm hoping to post weekly, if not more often._

 _The prompt for this is "Hostage situation in the middle of 47sec arc". I hope I can do it justice!_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Wow! Words can't say how_ stunned _I am at the response to this story! Thank you to everyone who has followed and favorited. It's very much appreciated._

 _This chapter doesn't resolve the cliffhanger, (sorry) but don't worry. This story is AU, but not_ that _AU._

 _Again, thanks for the support! I hope this chapter lives up to it!_

 **XXXXXX**

Rick Castle was having the time of his life – at least… he was telling himself that.

She didn't love him. All those months ago, on the swings, it was all a lie.

 _"_ _It's like I built up this wall inside."_

Well, that part was the truth.

 _"_ _I'm not gonna be able to have the kind of relationship that I want until that wall comes down. And it's not gonna happen 'til I put this thing to rest."_

And it's not gonna be with him. A – because 'this thing' is never going to be put to rest, and B – because she had been stringing him along this entire time.

Well, fuck that.

He was Richard Castle. Master of the macabre. What was it his mother said over a year ago?

 _"_ _You have written 22 novels before you met her and you didn't need to spend every day in a police station to finish them."_

That's right. And he'll write more. He does owe one more Nikki Heat novel, but after that, who knows? He could keep writing her, or he could switch focus to Rook. Have him break up with Nikki and then follow him throughout the world for his articles, solving mysteries along the way.

Or did that sound a little too much like a cozy instead of the thrillers he was known for?

Rick shook his head. He'd figure it out, he always did.

In the meantime, he had a date.

He put his head in his hands, trying to tamp down the tears.

A date, sure. But not with _her._ God, he can't even say her name.

Yeah, Rick Castle is having the time of his life.

If he keeps telling himself that, maybe he'll believe it.

 **XXXXXX**

Several hours later, when he returns after the date with… Rachel? Laci? No, Jacinda, that was it.

They're all variations on a theme – blonde, busty, bubble brained bimbos. He doesn't think he's consciously avoiding brunettes, but he hasn't met one who hasn't reminded him of _her_ in some way.

For a moment, he mourned once again the loss of her wit and intelligence in his life. But then he steeled himself against that. She had been playing him ever since he let his feelings be known. Ultimately this is on her.

He had to believe that for his own sanity.

The door opened on Alexis' disgusted face.

"Not now, Alexis," Castle sighed.

"It never is 'now'," she replied coldly. "The question is 'when'?"

"Never, if you keep acting like that."

" _Me_ acting like this? Excuse me?"

"Alexis, I said not now!"

They glared, each hoping the other would back down.

It wasn't Alexis, though she did soften her tone.

"Why would you give up something you love so much?"

Rick wasn't sure what – or who – she meant by that, so he played it safe.

"You wanted me to take a step back from the precinct months ago,"

The distress on Alexis' face broke Rick's heart, and made him think that she did mean 'who'.

"Not like this," she cried. "You're back to where you were just before you killed Derrick Storm. And while Gina and Paula may love this persona, I don't!"

She didn't storm off, but her dejected look as she went upstairs to her room almost made him want to tell her the whole story.

Almost. He still didn't want to think about it himself – hence the reversal to the jackass of four years ago.

But he hated disappointing his little girl.

 **XXXXXX**

The next morning Rick walked into the kitchen to find Martha sitting at the counter nursing a cup of coffee. The way she glanced at him as he walked in told him she was waiting for him.

"Good morning, Mother."

"Richard," she gazed at him shrewdly. "Good date?"

Rick opened the refrigerator and took out the bacon.

"It was fine, Mother," he returned a little sharply, slamming the fridge door a little harder than necessary.

"No need to be defensive, Darling, it's just a question." She took a sip of her coffee.

"I'm just not in the mood to be grilled today, Mother."

"Don't you think you owe her an explanation?"

He pulled a frying pan out of the cupboard and placed it on the stove, consciously slowing so he didn't slam it down.

He thought about asking to whom he owed an explanation, but decided against it. He knew, and his mother knew it.

"Please, Mother. I don't owe her anything."

"Oh, Richard, I know you're hurting," Martha put her cup down and reached for his hand.

"But you need to confront her," she continued, looking him in the eye. "I don't understand why you haven't asked her why she's been stringing you along... If she really has."

"I don't need to know her reasons," he countered stubbornly. "As far as I'm concerned they're pretty self explanatory."

"Richard…"

"I don't want to talk to her again."

Martha sighed, picking up her coffee again.

"Don't you think she deserves to know why you've cut her off so completely?"

"Like I deserved to know her true feelings?" he shot back. "Mother, please…"

Martha wasn't letting go.

"And what about your 'murder board?' she went on. "Are you going to tell her the things you've found? What about this Smith person? You've dug into her life, Richard; she needs to know – she has the right to know – what you've found. Or are you just going to delete the whole thing?"

Castle set his jaw and said nothing.

Martha sighed and decided to drop it with one last dig.

"You're a better man than this, Richard," she said in a voice so low he almost didn't hear it.

"Which is why she should have told me how she felt to my face." The hurt he was feeling made his stubbornness worse.

He turned and put the bacon back into the refrigerator.

"I've lost my appetite," he explained and walked back into his bedroom and shut the door.

 **XXXXXX**

As he showered and dressed, Rick thought that maybe he'd been a bit childish and petulant. But damn it! He had a right to be angry. And while he might not tell her, he realized that his mother was right about the secret he had been keeping from Kate. He knew she'd be just as angry as he was if she found out about Smith and his 'mission' to keep her safe.

But he couldn't face her. He felt humiliated and embarrassed. While _'_ _Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay? Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate,'_ wasn't exactly pouring his heart out – in a nutshell it was close enough – there hadn't been time before.

Trying to shake the melancholy off, Rick went into his office intending to lose himself in his writing.

 **XXXXXX**

He broke for lunch a few hours later, glancing over his work and sighing at how little he'd actually written.

He wasn't feeling Nikki right now, so he'd mostly been surfing the web, clicking on whatever caught his fancy – wasting those hours in the process.

 _'_ _Maybe I just need a change of scenery,'_ he thought as he packed up the laptop and headed out the door.

Rick hardly noticed where he was walking and was surprised when he pulled up short at Remy's. He debated going in, the last time he'd been there had been after the murder of the girl that affected him so much – back when he thought _she_ cared.

He squared his shoulders. He loved Remy's burgers. He wasn't going to let _her_ feelings for him (or lack thereof) take that away from him. He opened the door.

"Rick Castle, there you are!" came a shout from behind the counter.

"Hey, Ruby," he called back. "How's it going?"

"Better now that you've shown up," she grinned at him. "You just missed your detective."

"M – my detective? She's not still here is she?"

"Nah. She was in about 10 minutes ago getting burgers to go. Told her she needed to bring you in, and here you are!"

Rick gave a small smile.

"You getting take out too?" Ruby asked. "What can I get you?"

"No, I'm eating in," Rick interjected. Ruby was a pistol, he needed to find a way to integrate her into his novels. She reminded him of his mother in a lot of ways.

Ruby nodded, gesturing to a waitress.

"All right. Stacy'll show you to a table. Good to see you again Rick."

"Likewise, Ruby."

 **XXXXXX**

After lunch, Rick went to the Central Park to people watch. Some of his best minor characters had strolled into his head as he watched families, joggers, even high-strung businessmen taking a shortcut through the park. He wrote them all in the notebook he carried everywhere he went.

He wasn't there long, only about an hour, but he'd seen several people who could 'work' in his story. He ducked into a coffee shop and began transferring his notes to the laptop.

Castle glanced at his watch and was surprised at how late it was. Getting out of the loft had been good for him. He was finally able to fall into the story and get a fair amount of work done. He still didn't want to deal with the judgmental stares of his mother and daughter, but it was time to go home.

Hailing a cab, he noticed several police cars speeding past, sirens screaming and lights flashing.

 _'_ _I'll have to check out what's happening when I get home,'_ he thought, as a taxi pulled up beside him and he climbed in.

 **XXXXXX**

The second Rick opened the door, Alexis was on him.

"Dad! Have you seen the news? There was an explosion at the 12th precinct!"

That caught Rick's attention. He stared at his daughter for a moment, not sure if she's telling the truth or making an incredibly tasteless joke.

"Perhaps you could call Kate?" Martha called from the kitchen. "Make sure she's all right?"

Castle frowned, his eyes turning stony.

"She's made clear her feelings towards me. I don't need to call her so she can pretend to care."

He stalked off to his office, even as he recalled the police cars racing to their destination – wherever that was.

Alexis stared after him, a little in shock at his outburst.

"He's hurting, Alexis." Martha pulled the young woman close.

"I know, Gram. But it doesn't make it easier to see him acting this way." She pulled back to look at her grandmother. "Even as angry as he is at her right now, if anything happens to Beckett, it'll destroy him."

 **XXXXXX**

Castle _was_ more upset then he let on, but he didn't want to concede anything, (it was petty, he knew it) and he was hoping Alexis was wrong. Wrong about what happened, or if it had, it transpired at a different precinct – not that that made it any better, but at least Kate wouldn't be in danger.

He flicked on the TV and found all the channels had gone to breaking news.

 _"_ _Reporting live from the NYPD's 12_ _th_ _precinct. There has been some kind of explosion. It's unknown at this time if it was an accident such as a gas main, or if it was a deliberate act. NYFD and the 9_ _th_ _and 17_ _th_ _NYPD precincts are at the scene, along with off-duty members of the 12_ _th_ _. Evacuations of surrounding buildings are in progress, and…"_

The reporter was cut off by the sound of rapid fire gunshots. The camera showed people scrambling for cover – onlookers and officers alike.

Rick watched, horrified.

 _"_ _Ladies and gentlemen, gunshots have just been fired, coming from inside the precinct. Again, it's unknown exactly what happened leading up to the explosion, but it seems that this was no gas leak."_

Rick snapped off the television and began dialing Kate. It was late, her shift was over, she wouldn't still be there would she?

His mind conveniently overlooked the times when he knew she pulled all nighters at the precinct when a particular case was driving her crazy.

She wouldn't be there. She couldn't be.

No answer. Straight to voicemail.

Damn it! Castle clicked off without leaving a message. He dialed Esposito.

At the Hispanic detective's barked greeting, Castle jumped on him.

"Espo! What the hell is going on?

"Castle?"

Esposito sounded surprised to hear from him. Well – Castle supposed that was fair. He had cut himself off from the team after all.

"This isn't the time, Bro."

"It is, Espo. I'm on my way down there. What is going on? Is Kate inside? I couldn't get an answer."

Rick ignored the looks on Martha's and Alexis' faces as he walked across the living room to the door, continuing the conversation with Esposito.

"Dad, wait!"

"Richard, where are you going?"

He heard them as he opened the door. He paused and turned to them.

"I'm probably a damned fool, but I have to…" he couldn't go on.

He put the phone back to his ear and left the loft.

 **XXXXXX**

 _A/N 2: I'd love to hear what you think!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: I am SO sorry this one took forever to get out! It sucks when real life gets in the way of writing fic! Hopefully I can do better with the next chapter._

 _I'm still blown away by the response to this story, it's really put the wind back in my sails after a really bad month._

 _Thank you to reviewer MsNYC for correcting me on the NYFD/FDNY. I knew it was off somehow, but couldn't figure out how. Note to self: Google is your friend! :)_

 _I hope this chapter works for you, enjoy!_

 **XXXXXX**

Kate's ears were still ringing as she was shoved none too gently down the stairs. An M-16 firing in an echo-y locker room was not exactly conducive to the health of one's hearing.

Still – she was grateful the bastard deliberately missed.

Once the two reached the bottom of the steps, Skull-Face (that's what the mask essentially was, and Kate needed something to call him – besides asshole) grabbed Kate's arm roughly enough to leave bruises and strong-armed her into the bullpen.

"Found another one," he told a guy with a Freddy Krueger mask. "This bitch was in the locker room."

"Anybody else?" Freddy asked.

"I'll do another sweep, but she's all I've found so far."

Freddy grabbed Kate's chin – hard.

"Anybody else up there, honey?"

Kate said nothing, just glared at him.

"Oh, not gonna talk are you?" The leer in Freddy's voice was apparent as he spoke, although the mask hid it from view.

"You will."

He let go of her face and backhanded her. She fell into the group of uniforms and detectives sitting on the floor. It softened the fall, but none were able to help her because they'd all been cuffed.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Eggerstrom, a detective whose desk butted up against Kate's, though they worked different shifts and didn't know each other all that well.

Freddy bent down to the cops' level on the floor, using a ziptie to cuff Kate's wrists together.

"Because we can."

He lifted his mask a couple of inches – just enough that his mouth was visible. He spat in Eggerstrom's face and stood again.

He pointed at Skull-Face.

"You. Back upstairs and keep searching. Bring back anyone you find like this chick." He nudged Kate with his foot. "If they try to fight…shoot 'em. You don't have to kill them, unless you want to, but make it hurt."

Turning to a couple of others with military grade weapons – one in a zombie mask, the other in a horror clown mask, he continued.

"You search the stairwells. Same applies as him," he gestured with his chin toward Skull-Face moving up the steps to the gym. Bring them back or shoot them. When you get to the bottom, find something to block each door as you come back up."

Zombie nodded and the two started to walk off, but Freddy thought of something else.

"And while you're at it, shoot the controls out on the elevator."

"Every floor?" asked Creepy Clown.

"Yeah. Make sure the thing's broken."

Freddy bent down in front of Kate who had managed to get into a sitting position.

"Such a smokin' hot cop," he sneered, lightly running a finger down her cheek. "There's gotta be a story there. What is it, baby? You earn your badge on your back?"

Kate lunged at him, kicking out as hard as she could. Unfortunately, since she hadn't had a chance to get her shoes on, the kick wasn't particularly effective.

It did piss Freddy off, though.

He slapped her again, hard enough that her lip began to bleed. He got right up to her face.

"Try that again bitch, and it won't be a slap."

He stood and called out; "Hey!"

A man in a Michael Myers mask came out of the break room.

"You called, boss?"

"Yeah, come over here and cover me while I take these pigs' shoes off. Anyone tries to kick…you know what to do."

Myers lifted his weapon and pointed it at the group of police officers as Freddy removed their shoes.

 **XXXXXX**

"Can't you get any closer?"

"Come on, buddy, can't you see the cop telling me to turn?" The cabbie was getting exasperated. "They ain't letting nobody past there without lights and a siren."

Castle sat back in the seat, frustrated. He dialed Esposito again, but no answer.

As the cab reached the corner to turn, Castle leaned forward, shoving money at the driver.

"I'll get out here."

"I doubt they'll let pedestrians in either."

"I'll take my chances."

The cab stopped and Rick got out. True to the cabbie's word, he was immediately stopped from getting closer.

"You don't understand," Castle pleaded with one of the uniformed officers in charge of keeping people safely away from the damaged building. "My partner might…" He trailed off, then asked; "Are Detectives Ryan and Esposito here?"

"Sir, you're going to need to back off," was all the officer said to him.

"I need to get to the precinct!"

"If you want to see the inside of a precinct, that can be arranged," the uniform glared at him. "Now back off!"

Castle raised his hands in surrender and did as he was told, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

The street outside the 12th precinct was a hive of activity. From what Rick could see from his vantage point, SWAT teams had begun to surround the entry.

More gunshots came from inside the building, and Castle could see Esposito ducking for cover behind a barricade, barking something into a walkie-talkie.

Well, damn. He was kind of hoping he'd see Ryan first. Esposito hadn't been particularly friendly on the phone. Hopefully that had just been because of the situation, but he'd about bitten Rick's head off.

Still, Castle had to try.

Keeping an eye on the uniform, Rick moved to a point where he thought Espo would see him if he called out.

"Esposito!" he shouted. "'Sito!"

Esposito turned at his voice.

The uniform also heard Castle and began walking toward him, his face clouded with anger.

Espo came up to the crime scene tape, nodding at the uniform who backed away.

"Castle, what are you doing here?" He wasn't happy. "I told you on the phone not to come down."

"Come on, Javier, you know why I'm here. I couldn't not come."

"I know that you disappeared off the face of the earth."

Castle winced at Espo's anger. Not just because of the hostage situation then.

"And the only way any of us knew what happened to you is what we read on Page 6," his voice dripped sarcasm. "So yeah, _Rick_ , what are you doing here?"

"That's…fair."

"Yeah, that's fair." Esposito turned away.

"Kate isn't answering her phone," Castle tried again. "Is she in there?"

Esposito stopped and took a deep breath.

"We don't know."

He turned back to face Rick.

"She's not answering for anyone."

"But she was off, right?" Rick asked desperately. "Her shift was over, wasn't it?"

"Castle, you know how she gets when she's trying to find the trail of something. You know that she'll spend the night if she's on a roll. Yeah, she was off shift. But," he raised a hand to silence Castle, who had opened his mouth to speak. "Captain Gates said she stayed late to work out. It doesn't mean she's still in there…"

"But with her not answering her phone, it's safe to assume she is," Rick interrupted.

Espo hesitated, then gave a short nod.

"Can I help? Espo, I need to do something."

"You are not coming in here, Castle."

"But…"

Esposito got right up to Rick's face.

"Didn't you hear the gunshots, Castle? These guys are military, or they have access to military weapons. You are _not_ coming in here. I know you're not exactly green anymore, but you _will_ get people killed this time."

Rick looked stricken.

"I just need…to help."

"You can't this time. And since you haven't wanted to help for the past month and a half, what makes you think we'd take you back anyway? Go home. Your services are no longer needed."

"'Sito…"

But Esposito had turned and was walking back to the barricade.

 **XXXXXX**

Beckett was trying to stop the bleeding. With her foot.

Eggerstrom had kicked out at Freddy as he was removing everyone's shoes, and he paid for it.

It was a leg shot, not life threatening immediately, but with the multiple bullets from the M-16, he was going to need medical attention soon.

Detective Marcus Andrews was trying to convince Freddy to uncuff him so he could get a first aid kit but Freddy just ignored him.

"Come on, man! Let us help him!"

Freddy finally turned to him.

"Dumb ass had a gun pointed at him. He still kicked. He needed to be taught a lesson."

Andrews looked back at the detective passed out on the floor.

"I think he's learned it," he argued. "Please…"

Freddy eyed Marcus appraisingly through his mask.

"Switch with the chick."

Marcus looked at Kate, who shrugged. As long as they were able to help the wounded man, she was willing to trade places.

Marcus scooted over close to Kate. She removed her foot and Marcus placed his over Eggerstrom's damaged leg.

"You're dead if you blink wrong," Freddy sneered at Kate.

"Understood."

Freddy and Myers dragged Beckett to her feet and walked with her to the first aid box on the wall. Myers planted his gun on Kate's temple as Freddy cut the ziptie.

"We're not fucking around. One wrong move and your brains'll be a Pollock painting."

Kate nodded, rubbed her wrists for a moment, then removed the items she needed from the kit.

"Would you please uncuff someone else too?" she asked, not looking at either assailant. "I'm going to need somebody to help me."

Freddy burst out laughing.

"Either you're stupid or you think we are," he cut off his laugh. "And _we're_ not."

Myers shoved the detective back to the others.

"You already got him helping," Freddy continued, looking over at Marcus who still had his foot on the unconscious man's wound "That's all the help you're gonna get."

"And don't think I'm not watching you with those scissors," Myers jumped in. "I'll know if you try to hide them."

Skull-Face came back downstairs then and Freddy went to talk to him.

Myers leaned down close to Kate's ear.

"Jackson Pollock is my favorite artist."

Kate swallowed at the implication, nodded and went to work on Eggerstrom's leg.

 **XXXXXX**

Castle had ignored Esposito's order to leave and was pacing along the crime scene tape. He can't go home – he won't go home.

The uniform kept an eye on Castle, making sure he didn't duck under the barrier. Rick wouldn't though, he didn't have his vest and Espo's comment did make an impression. He still didn't know exactly how he felt about Kate's confession during the Bobby Lopez interrogation, but he wasn't going to leave her to die.

His mother was right. He needed to confront her and ask why she couldn't tell him she didn't love him to his face.

He just hoped he would get the chance.

Rick's phone chimed. He pulled it out of his pocket and was mildly disappointed that it was Ryan, not Kate.

 ** _Esposito's got a point,_** was all the text said.

Shit.

Ryan was supposed to be…well, maybe not on his side, exactly, but Castle had been hoping he'd be a little more willing to keep him updated.

Another chime.

 ** _In all honesty, though, there's not much in the way of news. No demands have been made by the captors._**

Rick sighed.

Thank you, Ryan.

But there was more.

 ** _I hate to be the pessimist here, but I'm not sure anyone's coming out. I'm sure you've heard the shots, hopefully they're just grandstanding and firing off, but…_**

Rick finished that thought in his head.

There was a possibility the captors were shooting people.

He looked up at a noise from the precinct.

A window had opened from the fourth floor. What looked to be shoes were unceremoniously dropped, along with what seemed to be a red scarf or something like that.

Five minutes later, another text from Ryan.

 ** _12 pairs of shoes were tossed. That's everyone on the roster for the graveyard shift. Beckett's shoes_** **aren't** ** _there._**

Rick sighed in relief at that. But why wasn't she picking up her phone? It wasn't just him, Esposito had said she wasn't answering for anyone.

 ** _There's also a bloody cloth. Someone was definitely shot._**

Goddamnit.

His phone rang.

Kate's ringtone.

 **XXXXXX**

 _A/N 2: Thoughts?_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Little quicker update this time, yay! :) I continue to be absolutely floored by the response to this story. I appreciate your support so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

 **XXXXXX**

A surge of irrational anger blindsided Rick for a moment. He'd become so adept at avoiding her calls that it was almost habit to ignore this one.

 _'_ _What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You.'_

Turning that anger on himself – where it belonged – Castle swiped his thumb across the screen.

"Kate? Where are you? Why haven't you been answering your phone? I know that's a little hypocritical coming from me but…Do you know what's happening at the precinct?"

Rick was babbling and didn't care. He did force himself to shut up and let Kate get a word in edgewise.

"Kate?"

A throaty chuckle came over the line.

Male.

Shit. Not Kate.

 _'Well, it seems we have a name for the hot cop. Tell me…Castle is it? You're that hack writer? I heard about you following the cops around. You need a new pastime. You're number one on the speed dial. Did you know that? Not another cop, not even Daddy. You. Does that make you feel special? Anyway, to answer your question, yeah. The bitch knows what's happening at the precinct._

"If you hurt her…" Rick began.

The man laughed again.

 _"_ _I already have."_

The call abruptly clicked off.

"Wait!" but it was too late.

Damn it.

Rick looked over to the barricade but Esposito wasn't in sight. He shot off a quick text to him and to Ryan, but he wasn't sure either would look at it with everything that was happening.

Not to mention how pissed Espo was at him.

And it was fair that he was so angry. Rick had cut all ties to the 12th. It hadn't been just Kate's calls he'd brushed off.

It didn't negate his own feelings, but maybe he could have not broken himself off so cleanly.

Shit, there wasn't time for this. Rick dialed Esposito.

No answer.

He dialed Kevin's number and got the same response.

Now what?

He glanced over at the uniform patrolling the crime scene tape, making sure no one crossed the barrier.

Castle sighed. There was nothing for it but to approach the guy who would cheerfully dump him in lock up and conveniently forget to call his family.

No. This is not about him. This is about Kate and the other hostages. The bad guys contacted _him_. Castle. And he had to let the people in charge know.

"Hey! Officer!" Rick jostled his way through the crowd of onlookers. The uniform looked up and scowled.

"You were told in no uncertain terms to go home," the cop barked.

Castle noted the officer's name badge.

"Look, Officer…Austin," he cajoled. "I have got to get a hold of Detective Esposito. Or Detective Ryan. I'll even take Captain Gates if she's available. It's important!"

"You already talked to the detective, and you know what he told you. You must really like the feel of handcuffs." Austin reached for his belt, searching for the item in question.

Rick held up his hands, his phone still in his right.

"You don't understand, Kate called me…Well, not Kate, but…"

His rambling didn't stop Austin from grabbing his cuffs.

"She _is_ in there!" Castle exclaimed before the officer could make good the threat to arrest him. Jabbing a finger toward the 12th, he continued. "Detective Beckett is definitely inside the precinct! One of the bastards holding the hostages just called me from her phone. I need to let Ryan and Esposito know and they're not picking up."

That did stop Austin. He leaned close.

"If you're lying…"

"I'm not lying! Not about this. Never about this."

The uniform still eyed Rick suspiciously as he brought his radio up and began speaking into it.

 **XXXXXX**

"So, Mr. Castle. Are you really planning on worming your way back in? I can assure you your friendship with the mayor is not going to help you this time."

"Captain Gates, I…"

The captain shook her head at herself.

"We don't have time for this conversation right now, I realize that. Detective Beckett called you?"

"Not exactly."

Rick had been taken to a surveillance truck that had been set up across the street from the precinct. Captain Gates, along with several hostage negotiators had been discussing whether or not to storm the building now, or wait until they heard from the attackers when they got Austin's message.

To say the captain was livid would be understating matters. It wasn't just that it looked like Castle was horning his way back in – no – she was furious with how he had just walked out, without telling anyone. Not the detectives who considered him a friend, and certainly not the detective to whom he was so much more – whether she realized it or admitted it to herself or not.

But Castle was claiming to have received a phone call from Beckett. Gates and the negotiators needed every scrap of information they could get, so they sent another uniform out to bring him back.

"Then how, exactly?"

"It was from her phone," Rick explained. "I have a specific ringtone for her. It wasn't a long conversation."

He described the call in detail, his years of observing people for his writing and then with the team of detectives helping him to recall what the captor had said to him.

"He's hurt her, Captain," he reported, stricken by his own words. "He didn't say how, just that he had."

Gates closed her eyes.

She knew she wasn't fully trusted yet by the detectives under her charge. They had all been extremely close to Captain Montgomery and her style of command was much more standoff-ish than his had been.

But that didn't mean she wasn't protective of her people.

"Well, Mr. Castle. It looks like you're back."

Rick let out a small relieved sigh.

"However," Captain Gates wasn't finished. "We only need you because these men are calling _you_. This truck is your headquarters. I've heard how well you've followed Detective Beckett's orders to stay in the car."

"Captain, that was a long time ago…I have a vest now but…"

"You _will_ stay here, understood? No following when it's time to raid the precinct."

"Yes, Sir. Esposito already made that clear to me earlier. I don't have my vest with me anyway, and I don't want to jeopardize Kate…or any of the other hostages by running in there."

The captain eyed Castle a little warily, not quite trusting that he would do as he was told.

"And after all this is over? Are you still back, or will you be gone again?"

A look of pain crossed Rick's face.

"Captain, I think that depends on Detective Beckett."

He wasn't sure if he meant that she would consent to take him back, or if she could explain her admission in the interrogation room well enough to convince him to return.

 **XXXXXX**

Kate woke up.

The grogginess made her question what had happened. She couldn't quite remember.

She looked over to her side and saw Eggerstrom had come around, still weak, but lucid, his wound attended to and bandaged as best she could.

 _'_ _Oh, yeah,'_ she thought, trying to raise herself up to a sitting position.

Damn it. Cuffed again.

In hindsight it was a stupid thing to do. Throwing the scissors from the first aid kit under the desk thinking she might be able to get to them later…yeah, it was a dumb idea.

She was lucky she hadn't been shot.

The only reason Kate had thought it might work was that Myers looked away for a second. She hadn't counted on Freddy coming back over with Skull-Face in tow.

Freddy had seen her make the toss and although she swore she'd just dropped them, she wasn't fooling anyone.

Skull-Face grabbed her arms and held her while Freddy beat her unconscious, the other cops still bound on the floor, Zombie and Creepy Clown aiming their guns so they couldn't to do anything to stop it.

Marcus Andrews was the first to notice she was awake.

"Hey, Beckett," he whispered, trying not to attract attention from Freddy. "How do you feel?"

"Like I've just had the shit beat out of me," Kate replied sarcastically. "Sorry, that was uncalled for," she went on, "I'm angry at myself for being so stupid."

"Hey, you took a chance. It's just too bad it didn't work."

Marcus helped her sit up.

"Yeah, well it was still contingent on staying uncuffed." She noticed something odd. "Wait, what? You're tied in front. How did you get them to do that?"

"Shh!" Marcus grinned a little. "Bathroom break. Somehow we managed to convince them it would be easier for everyone if the cuffs were in front. Including them. They haven't bothered to retie everyone."

Kate groaned as she sat up, her ribs pulling.

"God I hope nothing's broken. How long was I out?"

"A little over a half hour. I was starting to get worried."

Kate looked at Marcus in surprise.

"That long?"

Marcus nodded.

"I was ready to ask if you could be released so you could get real medical care. I'm glad you woke up."

"Yeah, me too."

Kate didn't want to ask the next question, not remembering _that_ would be a blessing of sorts. Her pants were still on, but she had to know for sure.

"While I was unconscious – did they…did he…?" She couldn't spit out the word.

Marcus understood what she was having trouble saying.

"No. The clown and zombie were joking about it, but it didn't happen."

Well that was one consolation.

Freddy and Skull-Face came out of the break room.

"Well, well, well. Katie's up."

Beckett stared in confusion. How had he learned her name? Then she saw her phone in his hand.

"Called your boyfriend," Freddy guessed the question in her eyes. "So precious, he was all panicky and pissed off."

Boyfriend?

It couldn't be Josh, she'd finally deleted his number last month, after forgetting about it for nearly a year.

Her dad was the only one who called her 'Katie', but Freddy would know he was her father right off.

A similar thing with Ryan and Esposito. He'd know they were her work partners.

That left…

He called Castle? And Castle had picked up? What made him answer now?

A lightbulb turned on in Kate's mind.

The explosion of course. Something like that would have made the news. Castle would have heard about it.

But why panicky? Pissed off, Kate could understand, she knew he was mad at her about something.

"What did he say?" she ground out.

"Well, he didn't say he loved you," Freddy leered. "He threatened me," he laughed. "As if a pansy ass writer with his pretty boy hands could ever do any damage to someone like me."

"You'd be surprised," Kate returned, thinking of Hal Lockwood.

Freddy backhanded her again.

"Hey!" another detective, Bruce Lennox called out. "She just regained consciousness, are you trying to kill her?"

"Bitch has a smart mouth," sneered Freddy. "So do you. Only I want more from her than I want from you."

He gestured to Myers.

"No leg shot."

The group of detectives shouted simultaneously.

"NO!"

Myers fired.

 **XXXXXX**

Kevin Ryan came running into the HQ truck, interrupting Captain Gates' discussion with the hostage negotiators.

"Captain, more shots have been fired and the fourth floor window is opening again."

Gates sighed heavily.

"Every available person is huddled around under the window in case they throw out a body this time."

"Oh, hell," came a quiet voice in a corner of the vehicle.

To Ryan's surprise, Castle was sitting there, head in hands.

"Castle?"

"He received a phone call from the captors, Detective," the Captain explained. "Beckett is inside."

"But…the shoes…"

"She had been upstairs in the gym. She may not have had time to put them on."

Ryan nodded.

"We've got a bus here as well."

"Good. Now, get ba…"

She was cut off by shouts coming from outside.

Esposito burst in.

"They dropped Bruce Lennox. He's shot. Amazingly, he's alive, but I think that's only because we caught him coming out the window."

The ambulance siren screamed past.

A member of the SWAT team stuck his head in the door.

"The paramedics don't hold out much hope, but they'll do what they can."

He went back to his station by the main entrance.

Captain Gates turned back to the negotiators.

"We're going to have to step up our assault. They've shot… and maybe killed… at least one person, and Mr. Castle tells us they've hurt another, possibly seriously. I want a workable plan within the hour at the latest. Let's go."

She moved over to Rick and spoke quietly to him.

"Mr. Castle, I can't stress how important it is – now more than ever – that you stay here in the truck. It's too dangerous for you out there, and… we need you to tell us the demeanor of the man you talked to."

"I understand. Whatever I can do to help."

Gates nodded and gestured him over to the rest of the group.

Rick continued; "I hope Detective Lennox will be all right."

"As do I, Mr. Castle. As do I."

 **XXXXXX**

 _A/N 2: Tell me what you think!_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Once again I apologize for how long this has taken. I've been out of wi fi range for the past few weeks and I'm finally able to get this out. I hope this chapter will make up for the wait. Thanks for your patience._

 _And wow! Over 300 followers! I continue to be blown away by the response to this story. Even with everything going on in RL, your support helps keep the fun in writing, and I thank you so much._

 _I hope you enjoy!_

 **XXXXXX**

Freddy was pissed.

"When I told you no leg shot, I meant dead!"

"And if you had waited five minutes before tossing him out, he would have been!"

Myers was angry too.

"If you'd killed him outright like you were supposed to, those pigs outside wouldn't have had the chance to save him when they caught him!"

The two men glared at each other for a moment longer before Freddy broke the standoff.

"Headshot next time. When someone needs to be dead, make sure of it."

He began walking out of the break room, but Myers stopped him.

"What are you going to do with the chick? I was a little surprised you wanted the guy dead not her."

Freddy turned around. He was grinning, though Myers couldn't see it through the mask.

"I wanna play with her first."

 **XXXXXX**

Kate could hear the muffled arguing from the break room.

It worried her. If they were fighting among themselves, what was to stop them from taking it out on her and the other hostages? Surveying the faces of the other hostages, she could tell they were thinking the same thing.

Freddy and the others hadn't announced what their agenda was – well – except for the 'because we can' that Freddy had told Eggerstrom just after she was dragged down the stairs by Skull-Face.

 _Because we can._

Well, that was chilling. If these guys were just in it for the thrill of it, there was a good chance no one was getting out of the precinct alive…including the captors.

Hell, this could be some elaborate suicide by cop scheme.

But somehow, Kate didn't think it was that. These guys – particularly Freddy – were enjoying themselves too much to want to get killed.

But it could still be they were doing it for 'fun'.

She looked around at the other captives, then up to the three men who were covering them, making sure none of the detectives were talking.

Her gaze stopped for a moment on Creepy Clown, who nudged Zombie when he noticed her stare.

Suddenly Kate was grateful for the masks. It made identification impossible, true, but when Marcus told her they had been ribbing each other about assaulting her… she was glad she couldn't see their leers.

The sniggers were bad enough.

She looked away from the two men, catching Marcus Andrews' eye.

He gave her an encouraging smile that didn't reach his eyes; she returned it and went back to her pondering.

Freddy had told her that he had called Castle, but none the other cops had heard him talking to anyone but the other captors. She reasoned he could be lying…but…

But then how did he know her name? She glanced over at her desk.

Her nameplate only showed her surname, and everything was neat – nothing had been disturbed since she went upstairs to work out. It didn't look like these guys had been rifling through anyone's workspace.

The only explanation was that Freddy really did call Castle. But what really made him pick up the call?

Yes, there was the explosion that would have made the news, but she didn't even know if Rick was in town. He could be jet setting all over the world with bimbos vying for the chance to be the 'new muse'.

God, she was getting worked up over what was probably nothing.

Freddy had just probably looked through the phones and found hers, scrolling through her numbers, looking for something to bait her. Kate usually didn't lock it while in the precinct – it was too much of a pain to keep typing in the password when Lanie or the boys called her.

But she couldn't get the words out of her mind…panicky and pissed off.

If Freddy wasn't messing with her, what did it mean about Castle being panicky? Was he concerned about her? Was that what he was pissed off about? Being worried about someone he was over? Or was he really upset about the detectives being taken? Even then, all Freddy had said was 'boyfriend', so was it really Castle he had called?

 _'_ _Could you maybe concentrate on trying to figure out these monsters weaknesses?'_ Kate berated herself, then went right back to asking questions about Rick.

Is he angry at Freddy? Is he angry at him because he cares? Or because he was inconvenienced? Kate didn't like to think Rick would feel that way – but he had left the precinct and hadn't looked back.

 _'_ _God, shut up, Kate!'_

Overthinking wasn't getting her anywhere.

The problem was, she had no clue what would.

 **XXXXXX**

"Yes, Mrs. Lennox… I appreciate you keeping us posted… Bruce is an integral part of our team… Right… Let us know, please… Thank you, Mrs. Lennox, goodbye."

Captain Gates clicked off her cell phone and turned to Esposito.

"Bruce survived the trip to the hospital, and is in surgery now. It's still touch and go, but he's alive. Have there been any more developments out there?"

"No, Sir. No more shots, nothing dumped out the window, nothing."

Gates frowned.

"I'm not sure that no news is good news in this scenario, but all we can do is hope. Mr. Castle?"

Rick jumped up from his corner where he was staying out of the way.

"Yes, Captain?"

"The captors haven't called you again, correct?"

"That's correct, Sir."

Victoria eyed him a moment, thinking.

"Maybe it's time we called them."

"Call them?"

"Yes. I want you to call Beckett. If…no, when the leader of these hijackers answers, find out what they want."

"How?" asked Castle. "Just ask?"

Gates shrugged.

"Sometimes, the more simple the plan is, the easier it works."

"That makes sense," Rick nodded.

"Also, ask – politely, please, no demanding at this point – to speak to one of the hostages. I know you'll ask for Kate, and that's all right, but if the phone is handed to someone else – take it."

"Of course, Captain. What should I ask Kate…or whoever answers?"

Victoria sat at a makeshift desk set up in the truck. This part could get delicate.

"We'll have to assume that at least one of these men will be listening in. You won't be able to ask for specifics directly, and the answers you receive will be cryptic. We'll hook up your phone to speakers so we can all hear what's going on, and if you can't decipher what Beckett says, maybe one of us can."

She gestured at the hostage negotiators listening in on the conversation.

"We'll come up with a set of questions for you to ask. Of course this is all dependent on whether or not you're allowed to speak to a captive."

"Understood, Captain," Rick acknowledged. "One question though, how do we know how many bad guys there are?"

Pat Faulkner, one of the negotiators, spoke up.

"Based on the gunfire, we believe there to be at least three of them."

"That doesn't seem to be enough to take down a bunch of cops," Castle frowned.

"I get your point, Mr. Castle," returned Faulkner, "but the explosion would cause confusion if not injuries – giving these men time to subdue our people."

Gates cut in.

"There also may be more of these terrorists. Which is why that's going to go on the list of questions."

Castle looked up at Gates' choice of word.

"Do you think this is a terroristic act?"

"Maybe not in the legal sense, But I'm terrified, aren't you? Anything's possible, Mr. Castle. At least until we find out more."

She stood and clapped her hands together.

"All right, people, lets get to work."

 **XXXXXX**

Half an hour later, a short list was completed.

Miodrag Dragović, a Serbian psychologist working with the NYPD handed the paper to Rick.

He began speaking in a thick accent.

"Here is the list of four questions for the kidnappers, and six questions for a hostage. This is to give us an idea of what we're up against."

"Why only four for the bad guys?" asked Castle.

"Captain Gates has informed me that you have a tendency to think outside the box – that sometimes your… 'crazy theories' as she put it… can lead to real information. We need all the intelligence we can get."

Rick was stunned.

"Captain Gates said that about me?" The disbelief in his voice made Dragović smile.

"Don't let it go to your head Mr. Castle," the captain called from her desk.

He grinned and relaxed a little. Too much levity would be out of place, but a little actually helped.

"So, you want me to come up with a couple of 'out there' questions for the captors? CIA conspiracies, aliens, similar to that?"

"Exactly, Mr. Castle. No more than two, we want as much data as we can receive, but we also need to keep it simple, and not make any of them angry.

Rick nodded and looked at the list of questions for the captors:

 _What do you want/Why are you doing this?_

 _Are you married/have a girlfriend/boyfriend?_

 _What do you do for a living?_

 _Will you let me speak to Kate or another hostage?_

And then the questions for a hostage:

 _Have they told you why they're doing this?_

 _How many captors are there?_

 _Can you give a description?_

 _How did they hurt you?_

 _Are you physically all right now?_

 _Have they hurt anyone besides you and Bruce Lennox?_

"A couple of these are specifically directed at Beckett. What if they hand the phone to someone else?"

"You can still ask them, Castle," Esposito butted in, still a bit more snarky than Rick thought he needed to be. "Just alter the question a little."

He nodded.

"I guess I'm nervous."

"Hide that as best you can," returned Dragović. "Confidence will get you more."

"But don't be cocky," Espo emphasized. "The weird questions you'll ask will antagonize them enough without your being a know it all."

Castle opened his mouth to protest, but Esposito cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"I'm not saying that you are that, but it's important that those guys in there don't think it."

"Okay," Rick breathed. He stood still a moment, gathering himself.

"Okay, I'm ready."

 **XXXXXX**

Kate had been released from the cuffs so she could use the bathroom. Freddy had gone with her to watch and make sure she didn't try and find something to use as a weapon.

She tried a little snark on him.

"What am I going to use on you? A tampon from the machine?"

That earned her a hard slap on the face.

"Don't be a bitch. Or I'll send my colleagues in with you."

He indicated Zombie and Creepy Clown.

Kate swallowed hard.

Freddy leaned right into her face.

"And I won't be responsible if they do anything to you."

Kate said nothing.

"Good answer," Freddy mocked as they went into the restroom. "Door stays open or I'm coming in the stall with you."

Kate turned her back on the man and rolled her eyes. She entered the stall, pivoted back around and looked him straight in the eyes, (at least she thought it was his eyes, she couldn't quite tell through the mask) and undid her pants.

She quickly took care of business, keeping an eye on Freddy the entire time. She wouldn't put it past him to try something when she was vulnerable like this, but she also didn't want to antagonize him enough to bring in the other two.

As soon as she finished washing her hands, Freddy put a fresh pair of zipties on her wrists.

Behind her back.

"I bet you think you're being treated badly," Freddy smirked at the look on her face. "I bet you thought that because I recuffed the others in front, that I'd do you too."

He scoffed.

"If you hadn't pulled such a stupid ass stunt with those scissors, maybe I would've. But you did, and your punishment isn't over. Probably won't ever be over – until everyone's dead but you."

Kate recoiled at that.

"You _are_ planning on killing us? Why?"

"Why not?"

With a wide grin, Freddy sauntered toward the bathroom door, leaving Kate staring after him with her mouth open.

 _Because we can._

Oh, God.

 **XXXXXX**

 _A/N/2: Thoughts?_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: You guys rock! I appreciate your support of my story and your patience with how long it takes sometimes. We're nearing the end, only one – maybe two chapters left. This is the darkest story I've written and with everything going on in the world right now, it's sometimes difficult to write. I hope you stick with me through to the end. I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

 **XXXXXX**

As Kate followed Freddy out of the bathroom she heard a familiar song.

 _"_ _You talk too much, you worry me to death…"_

Skull-Face called out for Freddy.

"Hey, Boss! One of the cops' phone's ringing!"

"Weird ass ring tone for a cop," Freddy mentioned to Kate.

Kate said nothing, she was a bit in shock.

It was Castle.

Oh, God, it was _Castle_.

Freddy _did_ call him earlier. And now he's calling back.

Skull-Face kept talking. "You want to answer it, or should I, or should it just go?"

"I got it," replied Freddy. "I gotta hear who this ringtone's for."

He shoved Kate back over to the other cops and went into the break room.

Creepy Clown, Zombie and Myers were making rounds of the stairwells at the moment, so no one was guarding the detectives. Eggerstrom took the opportunity to ask whose phone was ringing.

"Mine," murmured Kate. "It's Castle calling."

"Interesting ring tone," grinned Marcus.

Kate smirked back, relishing the bit of humor in such a dark situation.

"It's a private joke. Would you believe he's the one who put it on my phone?"

Marcus chuckled and was pistol whipped by Myers who had just walked up and heard the laugh.

"Think this is funny do you? Good way to get shot, don't you think? Everybody just shut the hell up."

Marcus felt blood trickling down his face, but said nothing more, just glared at Myers.

They had to figure out some way to get out of this fast – cuffed or not.

 **XXXXXX**

Gates, Faulkner, Dragović, and Esposito were sitting around a table with Castle. It was time to make the call.

Rick swallowed nervously as he dialed.

It had been decided to put him on speaker phone, though the others wouldn't say anything. The guy in charge would know there would be people listening in, if he was worth his salt.

 _"_ _What!"_

The irritated voice echoed throughout the truck, making Rick jump and ramping up his anxiety.

"It's Castle – you know, the 'hack writer'?"

He winced, and Esposito rolled his eyes. That was an idiotic opening. _Way to give the bastard ground, Rick._

 _"_ _Figures you'd be the one with the stupid ring tone. What the hell do you want?"_

"We need to know…" Rick began.

 _"_ _No, wait, I know what you want,"_ the man barked a laugh _. "''Are you married?' Hell no. 'What do you do for a living?' None of your goddamn business. 'Why are you doing this?' Because it's fun. Anything else?"_

Faulkner leaned forward with a frown. This guy seemed to understand the game plan. He wrote a note and passed it to Dragović.

 ** _He may have done this kind of thing before._**

Dragović nodded and rose from the table. He gestured to Esposito who also stood and followed the psychologist outside.

Castle asked one of his odd questions.

"What's the meaning of The Beatles' _Helter Skelter?_ "

 _"_ _The fuck kind of question is that?"_

Captain Gates looked up at Castle. That question flustered the guy. He hadn't been expecting a question like that. Good. Now maybe they'd get somewhere.

"One I'm curious about." Now Rick was in his element. The wacky theories, the out there questions – done in many ways just to mess with Kate, but at the same time giving insight needed to solve a case.

Gates was impressed with how calm Castle became after his initial nervousness. Like the rest of them, she knew he was terrified for all the detectives in the precinct, yet his stoicism now in the face of this telephone call astonished her. He wasn't a professional negotiator, he wasn't a cop. She knew he was probably still a bit shaky, but he wasn't showing it now. Maybe he'd inherited some of his mother's acting ability.

An ability she wished she had sometimes.

 _"_ _It's a song about a fucking slide. That's a stupid thing to be curious about. You a moron or something?"_

Faulkner was writing another note. He passed it to Rick.

 ** _Leave off the other weird one for now. Ask to speak to a hostage._**

Castle nodded.

"I want to know how the hostages are…" he began.

 _"_ _Nobody's dead yet,"_ the man growled. _"Unless the guy we dumped out the window bit the dust…I hope."_

Gates shook her head at Castle, letting him know not to tell the captor anything about Detective Lennox.

He dipped his head again, and continued his question to the kidnapper.

"May I speak to one of them?" he began scribbling a note.

Ryan had come into the truck to make a report of what was going on outside – nothing, all was quiet at the moment – and he heard the question. It surprised him that Castle didn't ask for Kate specifically.

He sat next to Rick and saw the note being passed to Gates.

 ** _It ultimately doesn't matter who I speak to, but if I don't ask explicitly for Beckett, maybe he'll put her on._**

Gates acknowledged that. It was a good point.

 _"_ _I know you want to talk to the hot cop, what's her name? Katie? Maybe I'll let you. She's awake now. She kind of took a forced nap a little while ago."_

Castle clenched his fist. Ryan put his hand over it, calming him.

Rick looked gratefully at the detective, realizing the captor was baiting him.

"I'm glad to hear she's awake. May I speak with her?"

The man laughed.

 _"_ _Oh, so polite. Just so you know, she did a stupid thing. If she does something like that again a couple of colleagues of mine will get to play with her… She won't like that, and I bet you won't either."_

Dragović had returned about the same time Ryan had come in and it was his turn to hand Castle a note.

 ** _Do not discount what he says, he may well be telling the truth. But do_** ** _not_** ** _let him get to you. He will know if he has by what you say now._**

It took everything Rick had not to scream into the phone.

"I understand," he said as calmly as he could. "I merely want to know if they're all right. Please…"

 **XXXXXX**

Freddy muted the phone and laughed aloud. The chick had this guy completely whipped.

He stepped out of the break room.

"Hey baby, your boyfriend wants to talk to you."

Myers grabbed Kate's arm and hauled her to her feet. He muscled her over to Freddy who uncuffed her – much to her surprise.

"I'll leave off the punishment for now. You tell him I was nice to you and cut your ties," he told her. "I'll even let you talk privately… sort of."

Kate looked at him questioningly but said nothing.

"I'll be in the room, but I won't listen in."

He grabbed her chin hard enough to bruise.

"Don't do anything stupid."

Kate swallowed as he handed her the phone.

"Castle?"

 _"_ _Kate!"_

The relief in Rick's voice was palpable.

"Hey. How's it going?"

Well, that was lame. Kate shook her head at herself, then heard Castle chuckling.

 _"_ _Oh, you know – same old, same old."_

She grinned.

 _"_ _How freely can you talk?"_ Castle asked. _"Are you alone?"_

"Yes and no," she answered.

 **XXXXXX**

Yes and no? What the hell did that mean?

"Is he listening in?"

 _"_ _Kind of."_

"Are you on speaker?"

 _"_ _No."_

Well, that was good to hear.

"Is he in the room?"

 _"_ _Yes. And he was nice to me just now. He took the ties off me."_

"That's good. I hope he won't put them back on."

Rick took a deep breath.

"Okay, so I'm here with Captain Gates, Ryan… Espo was here, but he went off to check something, and a few other people are here. They've given me some questions to ask you."

 _"_ _All right, I'll do my best."_

Castle looked up at Faulkner and Dragović. They nodded at him to continue.

"Have they told you why they're doing this?"

 _"_ _Fun."_

That answer made everyone at the table look up in concern. It was probably the worst news possible. Dragović gestured for Rick to keep going.

"Shit, that's not good," Castle's nerves were returning. At least the man holding Kate couldn't hear him. "How many are there?"

 _"_ _Can't say."_

Can't say? What did that mean? Why not?

Faulkner spoke up.

"Too specific. The guy with her may understand what she's telling you."

"All right," Rick said. "Are there three captors?"

 _"_ _No,"_ came the reply _._

"Fewer?"

 _"_ _No."_

More than three.

"More than ten?"

 _"_ _No, half."_

Five.

"Can you give me a description?"

 _"_ _Not really."_

"Can you tell me anything about them? The leader?"

There was a long pause.

 _"_ _I had a bad dream… on a road with a tree."_

Huh? Castle looked at Faulkner, who shrugged.

 _"_ _And hey, you remember that party where you gave me a crow?"_

Everyone was writing, hoping to come up with some thread that would make sense.

 _"_ _And the bad guy in First Avenger. His cousin."_

 **XXXXXX**

Kate was eyeing Freddy, hoping he wouldn't catch on to what she was telling Castle. The last two were the most obvious, but she couldn't think of anything else.

"Daryl Dixon's enemy, and Pennywise."

Freddy looked up and glared.

Damn, he got it.

He grabbed the phone, snarled a quick "Fuck you" into it and clicked off.

"You bitch."

"I didn't actually tell them anything."

"You better hope they don't figure it out." He slapped her hard. "You get off on getting beaten?" he asked. "'Cause you sure do stupid shit."

He put a fresh ziptie around Kate's wrists, nearly cutting off circulation, it was so tight.

"That's the last time you talk to your boyfriend."

 **XXXXXX**

As soon as Kate's captor clicked off, all was chaos.

Gates was hollering out the door for the head of the SWAT team to come over.

Esposito had come back and he and Ryan were debating what Kate's cryptic descriptions meant.

Dragović and Faulkner were also discussing matters fervently between themselves.

Rick just sat.

He was curious about the characterization of each of the kidnappers, but he was stuck on the word 'fun'.

They're doing this for fun?

"Hey, Castle," Ryan broke his reverie. "When did you give Beckett a crow?"

"What? Oh. Let me look at your list."

As he perused the note Esposito handed to him, something was niggling at him.

Bad dreams? Trees? Crows? A bad guy's cousin?

It was Daryl Dixon and Pennywise that gave him the answer.

"They're wearing disguises," he announced. "Masks would be my guess."

Everyone looked at him.

"We've already assumed they would be wearing something to conceal who they are," Dragović eyed him.

"But this gives us a way to differentiate them."

"How?" asked Esposito. "None of these descriptions make any sense."

"A couple of them are simple. Pennywise was the clown in Stephen King's _'IT'_ ," Castle explained. "One of them is a clown. Daryl Dixon's enemy in _The Walking Dead_?"

Ryan jumped on that. "One of the captors is dressed like a zombie."

Faulkner nodded.

"Okay, those are easy, what about the others? What's the cousin? And the crow?"

Suddenly the bird clicked.

"Not a crow, a raven," Castle said excitedly. "Remember that Halloween party I threw? The first one after I started following Kate?"

"Yeah," replied Ryan. "But what…?"

"She scared the crap out of me with that springy frog thing she had under her coat. I was dressed as Edgar Allen Poe and had a stuffed raven. I gave her the bird."

He paused, thinking.

"But Poe wouldn't be a particularly frightening character…"

"Maybe it's the holiday she was talking about," jumped in Espo. "Halloween?"

"Makes sense, but based on what Kate said, they're all wearing some kind of Halloween mask or costume."

"Come back to that one" Dragović remarked. "What about the tree?"

"Bad dreams on a street with a tree," Castle said thoughtfully.

Faulkner came back with "Wait a minute. Beckett said 'road', you said 'street'. That's it. _A Nightmare on Elm Street_. The leader has a Freddy Krueger mask."

"Yes!" exclaimed Rick. "The bad guy in First Avenger… That would be the first Captain America movie… the villain was Red Skull…

"Red Skull's got a cousin?" asked Ryan. "Was that in the movie? Or in the comics?"

"Neither," replied Rick. "Hmmm. His cousin…"

"How about just a skull?" asked Esposito. "Just a plain white skull?"

"Yes, that fits. Now, back to the Halloween mask. It's got to be more specific than just that. The movie _Halloween._ Michael Myers maybe?"

"That's good Mr. Castle," said Faulkner. "I'll run these and see if there are any other kidnappings or taking captives by men wearing these masks."

Gates came back over, the head of the SWAT team following close behind.

"As interesting as that is – and I do think it is – I'm more concerned about Kate's assertion that these monsters are doing this for fun."

Everyone grew quiet.

"We've all heard of people who murder for the thrill of it, some of us have seen it first hand. Mr. Castle, when you spoke to the man – probably the leader, how did he seem? Was he nervous either time you spoke to him? Did he seem suicidal?"

Rick leaned back in his chair.

"No, Captain. He was in control. I guess he could be nervous – I was nervous talking to him even though I hid it as best I could – but I'm not in any real danger. Technically he and his gang are. SWAT could storm the precinct, the detectives inside could rise up against them and take at least a couple of them out. But he was calm."

"Mr. Dragović, do you think this could be a suicide by cop scenario?"

"No, I agree with Mr. Castle. He had discipline in himself. He was annoyed by our calling him. It wasn't in his playbook. Hence the harsh greeting he gave when he answered."

"Threw me off my game for a second," Castle mentioned.

"That could also have been part of his plan," Dragović commented. "Mr. Castle, what was the point of your odd question? Other than confusing him with the strangeness of it?"

"A couple of reasons, first – to see if I could get a rise out of him – which worked. But also to see if he knew that the song is about a slide, or if he would bring up Charles Manson and his description of it."

He had everyone's attention.

"I think – and correct me if I'm wrong Dr. Dragović, I'm certainly no profiler – but the fact that he went with the slide definition shows that he's not given to ranting, and craziness. As we heard on the phone, he's calm, he knows what he's doing."

Dragović nodded his approval of the statement.

"I would also put out there that he _is_ planning to kill hostages," Dragović warned. "That may well be his escape plan. His thinking is we will be so concerned with triage and getting our people to the hospital that he and his men will just slip away. He does not want to die himself, but if it comes to that he would say 'it's been a good ride', and take out as many people as possible."

"I agree," said Captain Gates. She pointed to the SWAT leader she'd brought inside the truck.

"We need to work out a plan with Captain Harrison to gain entry to the precinct."

She looked at everyone in turn.

"It's time to storm the building."

 **XXXXXX**

 _A/N 2: Did this one work for you? I'd love to hear what you think of it!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Back again, finally! Thanks for your patience as I'm still without internet at home. This is the longest chapter I've ever written, so I hope it makes up a little for the wait. I have a good chunk of the next chapter written as well, so hopefully it won't take too long to get that one up. This chapter is for #CastleFanficMonday, I hope you enjoy!_

 **XXXXXX**

Freddy stormed into the bullpen, dragging Kate behind him.

He propelled her into the group of hostages, ignoring her cry when her elbow caught the edge of a desk.

"Where are the others?" he bellowed at Myers.

They're off checking barriers. I just got back from my own sweep."

"Find them and meet me in there," Freddy pointed to the room behind him. In a low voice he continued, "Things may be coming to a head."

Myers stood straighter. He knew what was coming.

"I'll be right back." He ran up the stairs to the gym.

Freddy kicked Beckett hard in the ribs for good measure before moving back into the break room and slamming the door.

Kate coughed as Marcus helped pull her into a sitting position.

"My arm…" she began. "It's numb."

"Looks like you hit your funny bone pretty good." Marcus remarked. He looked closer at it.

"You've already got a bruise forming there." He touched her elbow and she winced.

"It could be cracked."

"Great, just what I needed," Kate deadpanned. She tried to keep the tears back. It was not the time for crying, but between the elbow and her ribs – it may not have been as bad as when she was shot, but God – the pain.

That coupled with Freddy's threat to sic Zombie and Creepy Clown on her, she wasn't too proud to admit to herself that she was scared.

They _had_ to get out of here as soon as possible.

Even if that meant someone had to make the ultimate sacrifice. It was something they were all prepared for – hell, they knew it could come when they signed up for this.

But none of them were expecting it to happen in what should have been the relatively safe confines of a police precinct.

They watched as Myers came back downstairs with Creepy Clown in tow. Zombie and Skull-Face came back soon after and Myers ushered them into the break room.

"Shouldn't somebody watch the pigs?" asked Zombie.

"Boss wants all of us in there," replied Myers.

Zombie shrugged and followed the others in.

As soon as the door shut, Kate spoke up. Her breathing was still labored, but she couldn't just sit there.

"Now's our chance to make some kind of plan to get the hell out of here. They're probably going to kill us – to say nothing of what they're going to do to me."

Eggerstrom nodded, wincing in pain.

"Detective Beckett is right. We're not going to get out relying on outside help. We all heard Freddy Krueger say they're doing this 'because they can'. They're doing it for the thrill of it."

Marcus piped up as well.

"You know, I don't think they ever picked up those first aid scissors. They may still be under the desk over there."

"Do you think someone can get to them before Freddy and the others come out?" asked Beckett.

"I think it's our best shot to get free of these zipties," Marcus replied. We really don't have a choice. Vince, you're closest to the desk, you want to see if they're there and get them?"

Detective Vincent Daniels nodded and began scooching backwards to the desk in question. He squirmed his way around and leaned down to see under it.

"I see them."

He swept his leg under the desk, suddenly thankful their captors had taken their shoes. He was able to grip the scissors with his toes, and move them from under the desk.

A silent cheer came from the other detectives at Daniels' success, while muffled shouts and the sound of breaking glass came from the other room.

Daniels cut Marcus' ties first, also cutting the man's wrist due to being tied himself.

"Shit, sorry Andrews."

"Don't worry about it," Marcus took the scissors and turned to Kate.

"No, cut mine last," she insisted, much to his confusion.

"But you're injured…"

"Exactly. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm in no shape to really fight if they come back out soon. Get Daniels and the others first."

Marcus continued to hesitate.

"Come on, Andrews!" Kate hissed. It won't take you long to cut everyone loose, but you've got to hurry!"

"She's right, Marcus," agreed Eggerstrom. "We don't have a hell of a lot of time."

The detective nodded grimly and set to work.

 **XXXXXX**

Freddy was pacing as the others traipsed into the room.

He started ranting the minute Myers shut the door.

"They're going to raid us soon," he seethed, pacing along the counter where the cappuccino machine sat.

He picked up a coffee mug and flung it across the room. It was the first time he'd lost his cool.

"Damn it, I've been enjoying myself. I wanted this to last a lot longer."

He pointed at the door.

"I want nobody out there to survive. But I'm going to kill the bitch last. I want her to watch the others die."

"Can we play with her?" It was Creepy Clown. He moved his hips lasciviously.

"You got a condom?" returned Freddy.

"Why?" asked Zombie. "What if we wanna do her raw?"

Freddy got up into Zombie's face.

"DNA you asshole," he turned to include Creepy Clown. "You think you're not in some computer system somewhere? Hells bells, we all are! And even if you're not, why the fuck do you want to be put in there now?"

"But you said you'd give her to us…" Zombie groused.

"I told _her_ I'd give her to you. I didn't tell you."

"Same difference, boss."

"No, it isn't. But if you want to call me a liar, I guess you can. God, you guys are dumb asses. Sometimes the worst torture is telling them you're gonna do something you have no intention of doing. The threat's there, but you didn't actually do it, so they can't charge you. Let the fear do the damage for you."

Freddy began pacing.

"You idiots don't have time anyway, condom or not."

Creepy Clown mumbled something under his breath.

Freddy whirled back to the man.

"I get it," he went on. "You wanna fuck a cop who doesn't wanna be fucked. But you're not going to, so get used to it."

He lifted his M-16, motioning the others to do the same.

"You don't have to tell her that. You can keep telling her you're going to have fun with her. It's a mind game as well as a physical one."

He walked to the door.

"And if you ever meet the harpy in a dark alley sometime, have at it for all I care. But for now, it's not happening. Now, you're going to have the ultimate thrill. Two of you head for the windows and take out the cops outside. The rest of us will take care of the ones in here. Remember, the chick is last – and she's mine."

He looked at the other captors, each holding a weapon at the ready.

"All right. Let's go smoke us some bacon."

 **XXXXXX**

Castle stood at the door of the surveillance truck watching the controlled chaos outside. He noticed Ryan and Esposito putting their vests on while explaining something to a couple of SWAT team members. Probably something about the layout of the precinct if he had to guess.

Captain Gates finished a briefing with the SWAT leader and headed for the truck.

"Aren't you part of the invasion?" he asked, stepping aside to let her enter.

She raised an eyebrow at his choice of word, but didn't comment on it.

"We don't know what we'll find in there, Mr. Castle. We can't even say for certain that there are only five captors. Beckett may not have seen any others, but that doesn't mean there aren't more."

Rick nodded, conceding that point.

"I'm also not trained for this kind of assault. Neither are Detectives Ryan and Esposito. They'll be in the second wave after SWAT takes out the infiltrators and does an initial clearing."

Rick needed to ask the captain a question, and he wasn't sure how it would go down. He swallowed his nerves and dove in.

"Captain, once everything is in the clear, I'd like to go in the building and help."

Victoria eyed him closely.

"Once everything is clear, could I keep you out?"

She handed him a bullet proof vest, much to his surprise.

"They've thrown shoes and Detective Lennox from the window," Gates told him by way of explanation. "There's no guarantee they won't start shooting from there as well. In fact, it's a little surprising they haven't already. We're in danger out here too."

"Thank you, Sir."

He quickly shrugged on the borrowed vest as Captain Gates watched him.

"I still want you to stay in the truck for now – especially if there's a firefight."

She gave Rick a look that reminded him of several of his school teachers.

"But after this is over, and you go in… You and Detective Beckett will need to talk."

"P – pardon me?"

"I'm serious, Mr. Castle. Before I decide to let you come back – and it is _my_ decision, It's my precinct, and good PR for you and the mayor or not, it's up to me whether you're back. You and Beckett need to define yourselves to each other."

Rick gaped at her, mouth open, eyes wide.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," he replied.

Mr. Castle, let's not insult each others intelligence. The only people who can't see how you two feel about each other are down in Dr. Parish's morgue… And you and Beckett."

"Captain, she doesn't…"

"Oh, yes she does. And if you can't see it, well – I know a good ophthalmologist."

"I…"

"Over the past year, I've seen how well you and Kate work together. I haven't liked it much because you're not a cop, but at this point that's neither here nor there. I've also seen how withdrawn she's become since you left without giving a reason or saying goodbye. Detective Esposito told me she's in a similar place as she was before you began following her in the first place."

The Captain eyed Castle closely, thinking perhaps he would reply.

He didn't so she continued.

"I don't know the reasons why – it hasn't affected Kate's work, so I'm not sure it's any of my business. But it is yours. And you two need to figure it out before it _does_ affect her work and becomes my business."

She checked her weapon to make sure she was prepared to defend herself if the captors decided to shoot from the window.

"But if I catch the two of you in a supply closet grabbing anything but a mop and bucket, there will be hell to pay."

She smiled at him – much to his consternation – then picked up a file and left the truck.

Still astonished at the captain's words, Rick pulled his phone out of his pocket to check his texts. There were 5 – all from Alexis.

 ** _Dad where are you?!_**

 ** _Why haven't you answered my text? I'm worried._**

 ** _Really worried, Dad._**

 ** _Gram and I have been watching the news and they've been saying people have been thrown out the window? What's going on?_**

 ** _TEXT ME BACK!_**

Damn it.

He hadn't given a second thought to his daughter and mother since he left the loft. He'd put the phone on silent once he was brought back to the base of operations, and hadn't even noticed the notifications when he called Kate's phone and talked to the leader of the kidnappers.

He quickly dialed, needing to hear Alexis' voice.

 _"_ _Dad! Finally! I was beginning to worry you had been captured yourself!"_ Alexis was frantic.

"I'm fine, Pumpkin. I'm not dumb enough to go in there, and they wouldn't let me even if I was."

 _"_ _Well, I'm glad to hear that. Have they heard from the hostages? Detective Beckett?"_

"Yes. The leader called me from Beckett's phone. I'm behind the lines now…"

 _"_ _Dad!"_

"I'm out of the way, Pumpkin. I'm in no danger where I am. I've also talked to Kate and we have an idea of how many bad guys there are and how we're going to get everyone out."

 _"_ _Be careful, Dad. And answer your texts,"_ she admonished.

Rick smiled at the 'parenting her parent' thing Alexis had going.

"I'll pay more attention to my phone," he promised. "I love you."

He hung up the phone as Ryan came in the truck.

"So, you gonna explain yourself?" Ryan asked, leaning on the edge of the desk.

Rick closed his eyes and sighed. He should have known this would come, and there was no use pretending he didn't know what the detective was talking about.

"Not to you. At least…not yet."

Ryan stiffened.

"You broke ties with us too, Castle. You don't think Espo and I deserve…"

Castle cut him off.

"It's complicated, and it's between me and Beckett."

"She's just as baffled as we are."

Rick stared at Ryan. That could _not_ be true – could it? Could she really not have realized why he was so angry?

"Well, whatever the circumstances," he began slowly. "I want to discuss it with Kate first."

"She's hurting, Castle. And she's hurting because of _you_. Javier and I are your friends, but we're like Kate's brothers. Family comes first. You'd do well to remember that."

They stood eyeing each other a moment longer. Then Esposito stuck his head through the door.

"It's going down."

Stalemate broken, Rick followed Ryan to the door, where he stood and watched the SWAT teams enter the precinct.

 **XXXXXX**

When Freddy and the others came out of the break room, the hostages were where they'd left them. Sitting in a semi-circle in the middle of the bullpen floor.

Freddy smirked. They'd got the donut patrol pretty well cowed, he thought.

Then all hell broke loose.

Marcus and Vincent were on their feet running toward Myers and Skull-Face before the two could get their guns up. The cops tackled the criminals, forcing them to drop the weapons.

The other uninjured officers were also up and helping Marcus and Vincent or rushing to tackle Creepy Clown and Zombie.

Eggerstrom and Beckett – injured though they were – also had handguns up and at the ready.

How the fuck did they get loose?

Freddy began firing his M-16. He was pissed enough that he didn't care who he hit – cops or his own people. All he knew was he needed to get out if he was going to survive.

He looked for Beckett, maybe he could use her as a shield, and take her with him. DNA or not, she deserved all the pain he could give her. And yeah, he was going to have fun doing it.

More shouts, a muffled bang and smoke filled the bullpen.

Armored SWAT came pouring through the stairwell door. Freddy wasn't getting out that way.

He peppered everyone he could see with bullets and charged to the window. It's the fourth floor, he could survive the jump. Maybe even without breaking a bone, if he did it right.

He tripped and fell, his weapon flying out of his arms.

It was the bitch. How the fuck?

He kicked at her, connecting with the side of her head. It didn't seem to knock her out, but she did let go.

Scrambling to his feet, Freddy again began making his way to the window, but was stopped this time by a SWAT member sticking his weapon in Freddy's face.

It was over. There was nothing for it but to raise his hands in surrender.

 **XXXXXX**

The fighting went on for a few more minutes, but the captors were soon subdued with masks removed.

Zombie and Myers were dead. Myers from a handgun shot by either Beckett or Eggerstrom, and Zombie most likely by Freddy's M-16. Two uniforms guarded Creepy Clown who had been kicked in the head and was unconscious. Freddy and Skull-Face were both cuffed and shackled in preparation to be taken to the holding cell at the 9th precinct.

Of the hostages, all were injured. Mostly minor, but a bullet had grazed the side of Daniels' head and Eggerstrom had been shot in the other leg. Beckett hadn't been shot, but she did have two cracked ribs, a broken elbow and a concussion caused by Freddy's kick. All three were going to the hospital.

Marcus Andrews was the only hostage who had been killed. He was shot multiple times. Ballistics and autopsy would sort things out, but Skull-Face was claiming that one loudly. Kate and Eggerstrom both were hoping it wasn't 'friendly fire' that did it. They had been the only cops with guns, and a couple of the wounds looked like they came from a Glock.

Eggerstrom and Daniels had each been taken out of the precinct by paramedics by the time Kate was loaded onto a stretcher. Protesting mightily, she insisted that Esposito or Ryan could just take her in.

"That's not happening, Detective," Captain Gates told her.

Kate rolled her eyes.

"But, Sir…"

"Regulations, Detective Beckett. And you know it."

Kate groaned as she was wheeled out, resigned to the situation but she was still wondering something.

Where was Castle?

 **XXXXXX**

Castle felt a little déjà vu walking into the bullpen after SWAT finished clearing the obstacles in the stairwell. He was reminded of the bank and Kate calling out to him, trying to find him in the mess of the building.

Now it was his turn to find her in the disarray of the precinct.

God, he wanted to see her smile at him again the way she had in the bank. The one that looked like she thought he hung the moon. The one he was sure was going to be plastered on his own face when he saw her.

He frowned then. Even with what Captain Gates and Ryan had told him, he wasn't sure he believed it. But faced with possibly losing her permanently, he'd nearly forgotten why he was so angry with her.

Why did she lie?

He saw Kate being loaded onto a stretcher and suddenly didn't want to be there any more.

Gates and his mother were right. He and Kate did need to talk. About her remembering and his secret murder board of her mother's case.

He wasn't sure where to begin, but the precinct wasn't it. Kate was injured, and needed care. The conversation could wait until she had been treated.

There would be déjà vu tomorrow at the hospital too, he knew.

He turned around and climbed down the stairs, removing any debris that might get in the way of the paramedics taking Kate down since the elevator was still broken and would stay that way for awhile.

Stepping outside, Rick was surprised to see that it was still dark, though the eastern sky was brightening a bit. He glanced at his watch, 4AM.

So much had happened, it felt like it should be later.

Dragović walked up to him.

"Mr. Castle, thank you for your help with this."

"Of course. I admit, I only came down because Kate – er – Detective Beckett was possibly inside, but I'm so glad I could help."

"Have you thought about entering training to become a profiler? the psychologist asked. "I'd say you're a natural talent."

Castle was nonplussed.

"Wow, I'm flattered, Dr. Dragović, but any 'natural talent' I may have is just observational skill gained while doing research for my writing. And as much as I enjoy following the NYPD, I do it primarily for my books. Although helping people is right up there on the list."

The doctor nodded. "Well, if you ever change your mind…" he handed Rick his card and moved off.

Rick stood there, a little stunned. That was unexpected. But no. As fascinating as the idea was, he enjoyed inventing his own characters to put in these kind of situations. However, a Serbian psychologist could make an interesting addition to the next _Nikki Heat_ novel.

He waited for the stretcher carrying Kate to arrive outside, wanting to let her know he was still there.

Ten minutes later he heard the rattling of the bed as it was set on its wheels.

He stopped the paramedic as they passed him.

"Hey, Kate," he began.

"Hey, Castle. There you are," Kate had been given some pain medication and was beginning to feel a little loopy.

"Thanks for coming back."

"Al – Of course."

Rick had nearly said 'always'. But he still didn't know where he stood with her. Did the word mean the same for her as it did for him? Another question for the conversation they needed to have.

"Why did you leave, Castle?" Kate asked. "Things were really starting to get good."

"Later, Kate," he answered. "We _will_ talk, but not today. Today you need to let the doctors take care of you, and you need to rest."

"Until tomorrow then?"

Rick smiled. His first real smile in over a month.

"Until tomorrow."

 **XXXXXX**

 _A/N 2: I'd love to hear your thoughts! The 'talk' is up next!_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: And once again I'm absolutely amazed at your phenomenal response to this story! It's honestly something I've never expected, and it's appreciated so much. I will say your excitement for this chapter and 'the talk' makes me a little nervous. No pressure or anything. :) It took me a little longer than expected to get this chapter to where I felt it needed to be. I hope you agree that I got there. Enjoy!_

 **XXXXXX**

Castle walked into the loft and suddenly found himself with an armful of redhead.

"Hey, hey, Pumpkin. Everything's fine."

"Detective Beckett?"

"She's in the hospital, along with a couple of others. She'll be fine."

"Because we'd heard one of the hostages…"

Rick sighed and hugged his daughter a little tighter.

"Yes, one of the detectives was killed, and another is still touch and go, as far as I know."

"I'm so glad you're safe," Alexis whispered into her father's chest.

"So am I, Pumpkin."

"Richard!"

Martha came down the stairs and gave Rick a quick hug.

"How's Kate?"

"In the hospital, Mother."

"You haven't talked?"

"Some, but not the big discussion. She's just been through a hell of an ordeal, she needs to rest."

Martha raised an eyebrow.

"But you will talk?"

"Yes, Mother. Tomorrow."

"Good. Now, it's still quite early, you need to rest yourself."

"You're right," he replied. "And that goes for all of us. You two look like you've been up all night as well. We should all get a little shut-eye."

 **XXXXXX**

When Castle walked out of his bedroom around noon, Martha was once again sitting at the counter with a cup of coffee.

She was waiting for him again.

"Mother, the talk _is_ going to happen tomorrow," he said by way of greeting.

"Good. Are you telling her everything?" she inclined her head towards Castle's office and his 'murder board'.

"Mother…" Rick trailed off, not evading, but looking for words.

Martha stayed silent, waiting.

"I don't know yet. I don't know what to expect. Ryan told me Beckett doesn't know why I left, and I'm having a difficult time believing that."

"Well, let's see. You left the precinct, you've not been in contact with anyone there for over a month, and you've told no one why. Did Kate know you were listening to her interrogation?"

"No, I'd just walked in. I hadn't talked to her yet.

Martha nodded.

"Kate and the boys had found the man they thought was the bomber and she was in the box with him when I arrived. She had no idea I was there."

"And you listened in and then left when you heard she remembered."

"That's right."

"And you're not sure you believe she doesn't know why when she didn't know you were there?" Martha asked with an exasperated tone. "Darling, you write for a living. You're usually wonderful with words, so why not with her? I'll ask again," Martha pointed toward the large monitor in the office. "Are you going to tell her everything?"

Castle looked to where she was pointing.

"I don't know, Mother. I… I don't want to destroy anything meaningful before it starts."

"How can you have anything meaningful if you still have that secret?" she shook her head and continued. "Perhaps it will destroy the romance before it starts, perhaps it won't. But really, Richard. You have no choice. You have to tell her."

Castle took a deep breath as if to interrupt, but she kept going.

"I've said it to you before. You're poking into her private life. You need to tell her about what you've found, and give her that information. If Beckett throws you out of her life, then let her go and leave her and the case alone."

She softened her tone at the kicked puppy look on Rick's face.

"Who knows, she may not toss you to the curb, she may forgive you, but whether or not she does, you _must_ tell her the full story."

"I never thought I'd be saying this Mother, but you're making too much sense."

Martha chuckled as she pulled her son into her arms

 **XXXXXX**

He had never wanted to visit Kate here again.

The stark, white hallway; the uncomfortable plastic seating… and the silence. That was the worst; the silence after the frantic rush from the doctors and nurses trying to save a life before crashing through the doors on the way to an operating room.

Maybe he wouldn't mind seeing her in the waiting room, when they both were visiting Jenny and Kevin after the two decided to start their family, but not as a patient again.

Yes, it was different this time – Kate's injuries weren't life threatening – but it was still bad.

It was _Kate_ in the hospital. And there was definitely a whole lot wrong with that picture.

Rick had spoken with Jim Beckett this morning and was told Kate wouldn't be in intensive care long, they just wanted to make sure there weren't any internal injuries they hadn't caught before.

He made his way to the ICU where all four detectives had been taken, and stepped up to the nurses station.

"Hi, I'm Richard Castle, here to visit Detective Kate Beckett?"

The nurse at the desk checked a list.

"Ah, yes, Mr. Castle," she pointed down the hallway. "Room 110C"

"Thank you," he tapped his knuckles on the desk and moved off in the direction the nurse had indicated.

When he reached the doorway to Kate's room, he paused.

He was nervous.

But why?

They _did_ need to talk. He knew it, and Kate knew it too. But the nerves were there nonetheless.

 _'_ _You just don't want your suspicions of how she feels confirmed,'_ he thought, then scoffed at himself.

 _'_ _You've already had your confirmation. She's lied to you for a year.'_

He heard her speaking.

"No, I don't know when he's coming. He just said today."

A pause, then; "I know."

 _'_ _Ah, she's on the phone.'_

He backed away for a moment, not wanting to eavesdrop.

 **XXXXXX**

"I hope he tells me what's going on," Kate grumbled into the phone.

 _"_ _Do you think he won't tell you? What do you think is going on?"_ Lanie asked.

 _"_ I don't know, but I'm so confused," Kate's voice grew hard. "And furious."

 _"_ _Well apparently, so is he,"_ replied Lanie. _"And you need to find out why. So_ talk _to him. And I mean really talk. Break out of that holding pattern you two have had going on for the past year – and longer."_

"What am I supposed to say to him Lanie?"

 _"_ _You'll know when the time comes, Baby."_

"Lanie, that doesn't really help…" Kate looked up at a soft knock. "I've got to go."

 _"_ _Is he there?"_

"Yeah."

 _"_ _Good luck, Kate."_

"Thanks, Lanie. 'Bye."

She clicked off and looked up at Rick.

"Hey."

Rick stepped into the room. "Hey. A little 'pre talk pep talk' with Lanie?" he asked.

God she was a sight for sore eyes.

Kate gave a small smile.

"Something like that."

"I kind of had the same thing with my mother."

Her smile grew bigger, then fell away.

He pulled a chair over to the bed and sat, tapping his thumbs together nervously.

"So, ummm…. How do you want to do this?"

"Well, we can start with why you left." Kate wasn't going to give him ground.

"Jump right into it then," Rick nodded. "Yes, I suppose that's best."

They sat in silence a minute longer.

"You lied to me."

"What? When?"

Castle stared at Beckett incredulously. Suddenly his nervousness was gone and all his feelings about what he had heard that day came rushing back.

"I'm sorry, but are you kidding me?"

"What? Castle, I…"

"For nearly a year. Ring any bells?" The ire was ramping up again.

Kate looked up at him from her bed, still confused.

Rick gazed around the hospital room.

"It was at the precinct," he mused. "I found out about it in the interrogation room – well, you were in there. I was in Observation."

"Castle…"

"Bobby Lopez," he interrupted. "Anything clicking yet? Ringing getting any louder?"

Kate said nothing, still confused.

"You remember, Beckett," Rick leaned over the edge of the bed as if he were the cop and she was the criminal; which was not necessarily a bad comparison, he thought, once again conveniently ignoring his own lies and evasions about her mothers murder.

"You remember every second."

Kate blanched, turning white as a sheet, realizing what it was he had overheard.

Castle smirked a little. His anger was back in full force. Yet at the same time he was dying a little inside. He was infuriated – he had a right to be. But he still loved her and hated to see her hurt. And he hated himself for doing the hurting.

"You're not wrong," she said in a low voice. "But I'm wondering how did you know I wasn't lying to Lopez? You've seen me do it before, fudging the truth here and there to see what a suspect will do. What was different this time?"

"Are you denying it?"

Kate looked Rick in the eyes. No more evading; it was time.

"No. I do remember everything. What happened, what you said…" She ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath.

"Castle, you never said it again. You never pushed me to 'remember'. You never brought it up."

"You said some things are better not remembered."

Kate's eyes closed. He's a writer, pushing his thoughts on a page that millions will read. She's skilled at empathizing with victims – and even suspects in certain circumstances – but they're both awful with communication with each other.

"You never said it again," she repeated. "And that made me think it was a spur of the moment thing. Just a last ditch effort to make me want to survive. Not real. Not something you actually meant."

"'Not something I mea…' Kate, I've shown you a million times – before and after I said the words. I love you. How could you think it wasn't real?"

For the third time, Kate repeated, "You never said it again."

It was Rick's turn to be amazed at their utter lack of ability to talk to each other about the really important things.

"If you'd told me you remembered," he said slowly, "You could have told me my feelings weren't reciprocated and we could have moved on as friends, or I could have left or…"

"Richard Castle!"

He jumped. He hadn't heard her say his name in that tone of voice since their first case.

Kate's look softened, as well as her tone.

"I was healing – physically and emotionally. I had Josh to deal with… I wasn't ready for you and those words. I wasn't ready to hear them, I wasn't ready to deal with them, I wasn't ready to say that I absolutely reciprocate, even though I do."

Rick's head shot up at that, but Kate wasn't finished.

"I have _never_ 'reciprocated' like I have with you, Rick. And I had no idea how to tell you that, or even if I should."

"Kate…"

"I'm still broken, Rick!" she cried, tears beginning to form. "I've been working on it and I'm less broken than I was, but I'm not there yet. I'm not in a place where I can let you love me and it won't feel like I'm just taking and taking because I'm too goddamned scared to give it back!"

Her laugh was sardonic.

"Badass Kate Beckett. Highest closure rate in the precinct. Runs in heels without breaking her ankles – or her neck," she chuckled a little at that, but then it faded. "But she can't pull herself together enough to tell the one man who makes all the songs make sense how she feels about him."

She looked up at his speechless face.

"I'm a mess, Rick. And I don't know why you say you feel the way you do about me, when I don't know how I feel about myself."

Then, tears drying, she looked at him with an expression Rick was a little surprised to see, given what she had confessed so far.

Anger.

"And then you left."

"Kate…I…"

"You left without saying goodbye, without saying why… And it's not just me you abandoned."

"Yeah," Castle interrupted. "Esposito and Ryan have both done some reaming."

"I know," Kate replied. "Ryan was here earlier today and told me what he said to you."

Castle frowned.

"Esposito told me to go away and don't come back. 'Your services are no longer needed,' is what he said. I wonder if you really understand how protective they are of you."

That earned an eyeroll and a snort.

"That may be true, they are my partners. We all have each others backs. But what Ryan said to you was more male posturing than anything else. I don't need them to be overprotective brothers, and they know it."

"What do you mean by 'male posturing'?"

"It means they're being protective of me to hide the fact that they're just as hurt by your leaving without saying anything as I am. You bailed on all of us, Castle. Lanie's felt it too."

Castle sat back in the chair, rubbed his hands over his face and closed his eyes.

"How do we fix this?" he asked.

"I don't know if we can," she replied. "But I'd like to try."

Rick remembered his mother's words earlier at the loft.

 _"_ _Perhaps it will destroy the romance before it starts, perhaps it won't. But really, Richard. You have no choice. You have to tell her."_

Rick pulled a flash drive from his pocket and looked at it, turning it over in his hands several times.

"Speaking of maybe not fixing this… us."

Kate looked at the small object in Rick's hands.

"What's that?"

He sighed and handed it to her.

"Something that could break us completely. Do you have your laptop here?"

"Um, yeah. Ryan brought it over."

She gestured to a chair with a pile of work related items – files, computer, a stack of forms to fill out.

Rick stood and took the laptop from the chair. Handing it to her he said, "I should go, let you take a look at that."

"You could stay while I look…"

"No, umm, you… I should probably not be here when you read it. Just promise me you'll let me come back to explain myself?"

Kate nodded.

Rick gazed at her a moment, as if he thought he might never see her again. He left the room, more dejected than Kate had ever seen him.

Plugging the drive into the jack, she watched as the program came up on the screen.

 **Johanna Beckett**

 _Who killed her?_

 _Why?_

 _Who was involved?_

All the questions had notations underneath them, mostly information she already had, but there were some things she hadn't seen before.

"Oh, my God, Castle," Kate exclaimed softly, skimming through the information. "What have you done?"

 **XXXXXX**

 _A/N 2: A couple of chapters ago, I mentioned that there were only 2 chapters more at most. Famous last words… It seems there's more story to tell. I do have some ideas on where to go, (why do they always come while you're driving?) so I'm hoping it won't be too long to get it posted. Thank you all so much for reading!_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: I apologize for the wait, I nearly lost this chapter due to computer problems. Fortunately, everything's fixed, and I have internet back! Woo hoo! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for your support! :)_

 **XXXXXX**

She was drowning.

She wanted to be angry and hurt – shit, she _was_ angry and hurt – but she was mostly just disappointed, tears streaming down her cheeks at the thought of this – whatever the hell 'this' was – ending before it began.

She'd thought they'd had a chance, but lies and secrets ruined everything.

 _'_ _God, Castle. We were so close.'_

But did it have to be ruined?

Was the demise of their attachment certain?

Kate _had_ to talk to somebody about this.

Not Castle – yet. She wanted someone on the outside of the relationship.

Not Dr. Burke, he was _too_ far outside. This called for someone who knew Castle well.

Not the boys, they'd go rip a strip off of Castle's hide before Kate even finished telling them what happened. She needed someone with a marginally level head.

Lanie. Not that she wouldn't be willing to use her scalpels on him if Kate asked, but she would at least listen to the full story. She'd talk to Lanie.

 **XXXXXX**

An hour later Castle walked back down the hospital hallway towards ICU. He was more nervous now than he had been before he gave Kate the flash drive.

This was it.

There were three scenarios that he could think of.

 _'_ _I want you back, Castle.'_

 _'_ _I want you gone, Castle.'_

 _'_ _I'm extremely pissed at you, Castle, but let's talk it out.'_

He almost laughed out loud at the last one.

 _Talk._

He could charm the pants off of any number of women – and had done so multiple times – but Kate deserved more than charm. She deserved real.

And damn it, so did he. But he wasn't sure if he knew how to do real any more. Every time he had real, which was only twice if he really thought about it – first Kyra and now Kate – he'd been devastated by abandonment and lies. He'd gone for shallow women after Kyra, that was how he met Meredith. Rick knew those 'relationships', if you could call them that, would never last, but bimbos hurt less than real. Even Meredith's cheating hadn't eaten at his gut as Kate's confession in the interrogation room had.

Castle paused outside Kate's door, peeking inside. He could just see the closed laptop lying at the edge of the bed.

 _'_ _You're a grown man, Castle. Don't be scared, it's just Beckett.'_

As if Kate Beckett couldn't be terrifying at times.

He knocked on the door jamb and stuck his head in.

"Kate," he rumbled, and cleared his throat. "Can we talk?"

She looked up wide eyed.

 _'_ _Damn,'_ thought Rick, _'she's been crying.'_

She didn't speak for a moment, just stared at him as if it was going to be the last time she saw him.

"Castle… You came back sooner than I expected."

"Is… Is that bad?" he asked, hoping it wasn't but so afraid it was.

"This was a big thing you gave me."

"Kate, please… Listen, I was just trying to keep you safe…"

"Castle, I believe you, but I'm sorry. I've read the whole file and I need time to process. I can't talk about it now. I'll call you?"

Rick felt like a soccer ball that had been kicked one too many times. He deflated, defeated.

"Kate," he closed his eyes, feeling this was the end. She's going to hide again and this time she won't come out. "The last time you said that I didn't hear from you for three months."

Kate watched him collapse in on himself, looking smaller as the disappointment surrounded him like a cloud.

"Castle, I promise it won't take that long. A few days; maybe a week to get my head around all of this. And if it does take longer for me to call than you think it should, get a hold of someone. Call Lanie. She'll light a fire under my ass."

He gave a sad smile.

"Well, if anyone could, it would be Lanie," he replied. "And that's a compliment to her, not a slight to you," he continued, trying to lighten the mood a little, but feeling like the levity fell flat.

Then she smiled back, as sad as his smile, but it gave him hope.

Maybe they could be 'them' again.

 **XXXXXX**

"Okay, I get that you're mad because he didn't tell you this information, but maybe if I knew more about his side of things, I could help you better."

Kate was out of ICU and in a private room. All of her tests had come back negative except for what they already knew, for which she was grateful.

It didn't really help the headache from the concussion, but that was beside the point.

Lanie had arrived just after she'd been moved. Beyond the 'Hello, how are you feeling' discussion, Kate hadn't said much; she'd just plugged the flash drive into the computer and let Lanie peruse the file.

"What do you mean, 'his side'?"

"Did he tell you why he left during the bombing case and never came back?"

"Yes…" Kate's eyes grew wide. She was going to have to admit that she lied to her best friend.

"Well?" asked Lanie.

"I've been telling him I don't remember my shooting. And I've been telling him that since I came back from my dad's cabin."

"So? That happens to a lot of people with a traumatic experience like yours. That's what you told me. What does that have to do with…" Lanie suddenly realized what Kate was getting at. "Wait a minute…"

"Yes, Lanie, I lied. I remember it all, and I have from the beginning."

Lanie looked at Kate, shocked.

"And now you're mad at me too." Kate was resigned.

"Mad? Yes, I'm mad!" Lanie saw the look on Kate's face, as if she thought she'd lost not only the man she loved, but her best friend as well.

She softened her tone.

"Oh, Sweetie. Why wouldn't you say anything?"

Kate looked at Lanie, eyes pleading for her to understand.

"Because I couldn't deal with what he said to me."

"What did he say?"

"He loves me."

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, Richard Castle told you he loved you and you didn't tell me? Now I really am mad!"

Kate smiled. The tension was broken.

"Does anyone else know?" Lanie asked. "Know you remember, I mean."

"I've told you about Dr. Burke, right?"

"The psychiatrist who gave you your evaluation to go back to work?"

"Yes. I went back and I've been seeing him regularly since I came back from the cabin."

"Is he helping?"

"Yes, and he knows I remember. He was the first person I told."

"What did he say?"

"He threatened to revoke the eval."

"I'm a little surprised he didn't," Lanie mentioned as she leaned back in her chair.

"I am too, to be honest." Kate took a deep breath and winced at the pull in her ribs. She waved Lanie's concern away. "I'm fine… or I will be eventually. I just need to figure out what to do about Castle."

Lanie gave Kate an eye roll to rival her own.

"I swear, you two need to be handcuffed to separate chairs and locked in a room facing each other. Then maybe you'd talk."

"Lanie, I'm serious."

"And you think I'm not? Kate, the first thing you need to do is apologize to him."

"What?"

"Think about it."

Kate eyed Lanie in confusion, then the light turned on.

She had explained her actions – justified them, even. But she had never thought to apologize.

She'd put all of that on him. _He'd_ left the precinct, _he'd_ left her, so _he_ was the one who should be sorry.

It hadn't even occurred to her that she shared the responsibility for him leaving. That _he_ left because of _her_ lie. It hadn't clicked.

It was clicking now.

"Oh, God, Lanie. How could I be so stupid?"

"You ask me, both of you need matching dunce caps."

Kate snorted.

"Look, Kate, this is why you asked me over here, right? Here's my take. Castle wanted to keep you safe from whoever the hell is trying to kill you, and you were healing and trying to make yourself better for him."

Kate nodded and Lanie glared at her.

"Even though you're already good enough, and always have been."

Kate rolled her eyes.

"Lanie…"

But Lanie barreled right over her. Apparently she'd been wanting to get this off her chest for awhile.

"Kate, the living may not be my thing, but I _am_ a doctor. I know how much emotional healing in addition to the physical healing a person has to go through after something like this, and with your baggage, I'd say you were trying to protect him from that too. You both had good reasons for keeping your secrets, and you both are justifiably pissed off at the other for keeping them. But Honey, he wants to help you."

"He should have told me, Lanie! He's met with some guy named Smith, and who knows how involved he is. Rick's done all this and hasn't said a word!"

"Yes, he should have told you," Lanie agreed. "Just like you should have told him."

Kate shrugged and rolled her eyes in frustration. Lanie was right – about why Kate wanted to talk to her, about how Castle should have been told from the beginning… and she was right about the apology Kate owed. But Kate was still hung up on what was on the flash drive.

"It's my mother's case, Lanie!" she exclaimed. "My case!"

"Kate, think about this," Lanie went on, sidestepping her friend's outburst. "Castle left the precinct. He cut all ties. Not just with you, but with Kevin, Javi and me. Now maybe he has or hasn't been working on that file since he left, but he hasn't deleted it either."

Kate was confused, and still frustrated.

"What does that have to do with his cutting off you three?"

"Nothing really. But my point is he _hasn't_ completely cut ties with you."

Lanie picked up the flash drive.

"This thing could be a lifeline between you two. He was angry at you and left without telling you, but he didn't get rid of it. He still cared enough to keep it, and he ultimately gave it to you even though he knew how much it could hurt you."

Lanie took Kate's hand, placed the drive into her palm and curled her fingers into a fist.

She stood to leave, and leaned over the bed to hug her friend.

"It could break the two of you, Kate… or it could make you. You just have to decide what's more important – his wanting to keep you safe because he loves you – or his supposed betrayal by looking into this without you."

She walked toward the door.

"Think about it, Sweetie, but don't be too long in calling him. Whatever you decide… don't run away again."

 **XXXXXX**

It had been three days.

Three days of nothing. When the telephone did ring, it wasn't _her_. What a surprise.

Rick was holed up in his study, staring at a bottle of scotch.

He had sworn he wasn't going to do this; hide in his darkened office to drown himself.

And he hadn't… yet.

Okay, fine. He _was_ hiding in the office, but he'd held off on the scotch so far. The only problem was; the liquid gold was beginning to be far too tempting to resist for much longer.

 _"_ _Call Lanie. She'll light a fire under my ass."_

It was a plan – but damn it, Kate said she'd call so she should do it. She shouldn't use Lanie as a crutch.

So no. He wouldn't call Lanie. And if Kate hadn't called him by the end of the week… well, he guessed he had his answer.

He reached for a glass, then froze.

 _'_ _Not doing this, dammit!'_

He wished Alexis or his mother were home to help take his mind off of things, but his daughter was at the library with friends preparing for finals, and Hurricane Martha had a date that Rick _really_ didn't want to know anything about.

So he was stuck by himself, with only the booze to keep him company.

Castle sighed, frustrated. This was not doing him any good.

He stood and made his way to the bookshelves, deciding on a John le Carré spy novel to lose himself in while waiting for Alexis to come home.

This kind of drowning he could do.

He had settled in and had been reading about ten minutes, when he heard a knock at the door.

 _'_ _Who could that be, this late?'_ he thought, as he glanced at his watch.

Figuring Alexis had forgotten her key, (he was expecting his mother to slink in just before Alexis left for school tomorrow morning) Rick ignored the peephole and opened the door.

"Beckett?"

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 _A/N2: What did you think?_


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Had a rough time with this chapter. Got about halfway done before deciding what I'd written didn't work, so I had to start over :-/ I hope I got it to a coherent state. I hope you enjoy!_

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To say Rick was surprised would be understating things.

"I'm sorry, Castle," Beckett pushed past him into the loft.

Rick shut the door quickly and turned to Kate; who was looking around in much the same way as she had the first time she'd entered four years ago. A little bemused, a little in awe – even though she'd been there quite a bit since then, most recently for Martha's one-woman show after the fairy tale case.

She stood nervously by the couch, fiddling with something in her pocket.

"Kate?" he asked, afraid that maybe her _'sorry'_ was her way of saying goodbye – of kicking him out of her life.

But it didn't seem to be that way, she was here after all.

Kate bit her lip, not sure if coming over was appropriate; not sure her needing to process what she'd learned hadn't pushed him too far.

Lanie had been right, and Kate was embarrassed that it needed to be spelled out to her.

"Kate?" Rick asked again.

She jumped a little, coming out of her contemplation.

"I know I said I'd call, but I thought it would be better to do this in person," she paused. "I owe you an apology, Castle."

Rick was speechless now, and Kate was grateful for it.

"I've done some stupid things this year," she began. "And I've explained my reasons why."

She pulled a small case from her pocket and struggled with the zipper until Castle took it from her.

"Kate, you don't have to…"

"Yes I do, Castle," she watched as he unzipped the case and handed it back to her.

She walked to the kitchen counter and put it down. She opened it and Rick noticed that it held several flash drives.

"Most of these are work related," she mentioned, pulling one Rick recognized out of its slot with one hand.

She gave it to him.

Rick accepted it with a quizzical look.

"You need to keep it, Castle. I want you to keep it."

"Why? I don't understand."

"I know me," she replied. "I haven't been home yet, or I would have tried to pack up the murder board in my window to bring over here too."

Kate looked him in the eye.

"It's on my to do list."

Rick gazed at her, not quite knowing how to respond.

Kate continued with a derisive laugh. "It might be awhile," she indicated the cast on her arm. "I've got this thing for at least six weeks."

She put the case back in her pocket without zipping it up and continued.

"My only defense in why I told you I didn't remember what you said – and I know it's not much of one – is I was healing, and I wanted to fix myself."

"Kate," Rick interjected, "You explained this in the hospital."

She looked at him blankly for a second.

"Oh, God, I'm doing it again, aren't I? Justifying my actions without acknowledging my part in the repercussions. Yes, I wish you'd stayed long enough to confront me then, but knowing the whole story now, I can't blame you for leaving. I'm actually amazed you came back."

"I couldn't stay away with you being held captive in the precinct," Rick returned. "Love isn't a switch. My mother told me that. You can't just turn it off no matter how hard you try."

"I'm so sorry I made you try."

The two gazed at each other, eyes saying what words wouldn't. Kate was the first to look away.

"Where do we go from here?" she asked.

"Up."

"What?" she laughed.

"I think we've pretty much hit rock bottom, don't you? The only way to go is up."

Kate gave him one of her puddle inducing smiles.

"I like that."

"In the meantime," Rick went on, "I don't understand why you're giving this back to me." He indicated the flash drive he'd placed on the coffee table.

The smile grew pensive – then left altogether.

"I want this information to stay in a safe place." she replied. "But I. Am. _Tired_. Tired of this thing ruling my life."

"But your mom's case…"

"Is still there… obviously. But –"

She paused, trying to gather her thoughts into coherent words.

"My mom was a fighter. Justice for everyone was always of deep importance to her. Even a dirty cop like McAllister or a crook like Pulgatti was _worth her time_."

"You're a lot like her," broke in Rick.

Kate smiled.

"I'll take that as a compliment," she returned, then continued.

"You once told me I don't back down. That I don't let go. I learned that from my mother. She saw someone who needed help, and she would help them. You call me extraordinary? You should have met her."

Castle listened, enraptured.

"I've been told – more than once – that she wouldn't want me to do this; that she would want me to let go of this vendetta and live _my_ life. But my dad, who _does_ want me to back off and let it go, told me she wouldn't say that."

"Really?"

Castle hadn't meant to interrupt, but that statement surprised him.

"Really. Johanna Beckett would not have backed down. She _didn't_ back down. And she wouldn't have let me do it either, which is why I got into trouble when I was a uniform, going down to records to search my mom's file."

Kate looked down at her feet.

Rick put the drive in his pocket and lifted Kate's chin so she was looking at him.

"What changed?"

"Then? Therapy. Now? Therapy again, and a lot of other things. Not least was my being shot."

Rick nodded. That would be a big one. If Alexis had been shot… No he didn't even want to think about that.

"Even if she hadn't died, I still don't think my mother would have told me to completely break from it," Kate continued. "Just slow it way down and put it on the back burner. And then there's you."

She blushed.

"Me?"

"And it took being taken hostage and a conversation with Lanie for me to pull my head out of my ass to see it myself. Like I said, Castle. My mother _didn't_ back down. And look where it got her."

Kate's eyes glistened as she looked at him.

"I don't want that to happen to me. And I'm amazed that I not only survived the shooting, but the year following. No one has come after me."

"You weren't actively looking into it," Rick broke in. "That was the deal Montgomery made."

Kate looked at him, acknowledging what her former captain had done, and went back to her train of thought.

"But, still… why not? Why didn't my shooter come after me? Talk about being in a vulnerable position, especially after I went up to the cabin. My dad couldn't stay with me the whole time – not that I wanted him to – I needed that alone time – but I was certainly in no state to defend myself, the people behind this whole thing could have sent someone to finish the job…"

"Kate!" Castle interrupted. "Stop. Don't put yourself through it all again. You're here, you're alive. You _have_ backed away," he held up the thumb drive. "You're giving this to me for safekeeping, you want to bring your window board over as well. But I would like an explanation for the 'then there's you' comment you just made."

"Just…" Kate blushed again. "My dad thinks you're good for me. That's why he had no problem dropping me off here after I was released from the hospital. I'll be staying with him for a few days so I can be waited on hand and foot."

She made a face. The loss of independence bothered her more than the cast on her arm or the continuous headache did, even though it was temporary.

"I'll call my service to get you home once we're finished."

She smiled again.

"Thanks, Castle. I'm sure a cab would be fine, but if you're offering, I'll take it."

"I'm offering. Will you need to stop at a pharmacy? Maybe I should drive you."

"It's fine, Castle. My dad's taking care of all that."

"What about now?" he asked. "You don't seem loopy, are you on pain meds?"

Kate sighed.

"I'll probably need to take some as soon as I get home, but I needed to not be whacked out on drugs for this conversation."

"Kate, we can postpone if you need to. I don't want you to be in pain."

"No, I need to do this now – I want us now."

Rick blinked, but Kate didn't seem to realize what she said, so he let that go for now. She still hadn't answered his question.

"Kate? 'Then there's you'?"

She took a deep breath.

"Right. My dad thinks you're good for me, and I think my mom would think that too."

Kate sensed Rick was going to say something and raised her good hand to silence him.

"I think she would have told me to put one of the most important things in my life – the biggest case of my career – the whole reason I became a cop on the back burner. To put it on a possibly indefinite hold for something bigger… You."

She had stunned him speechless again.

"But as I said before, I know me," she went on. "Even after that year of therapy I got just before I made detective, it's still been flying around inside me – this desire – this need – to find the bastard who killed her."

Rick closed his eyes in guilt. If he hadn't looked into it after she first told him about it, or stopped after she first told him she told him no and why…

"Stop it, Castle," Kate scolded him. "Yes, you opened the cage. But I've always been just on the edge of jumping back into it, and if it wasn't for you, I would have done it long ago anyway. I told myself I'd let it go, but deep inside I knew I hadn't."

He still had a miserable expression on his face so she put her hand on his cheek.

"Not. Your. Fault. Please, Rick. Stop blaming yourself. In fact…"

Her hand dropped and she began rummaging in her pocket again, this time pulling out her keys. She handed them to Rick.

"I'd like you to go to my place and pack the board up for me since I can't do it right now with my broken elbow."

Rick was nonplussed.

"You want me to go into your apartment? By myself?"

Kate poked his chest. Hard.

"Do not abuse this trust, Castle." She grinned then turned serious. "I do need your help with this, Rick. And not just because of my arm. I don't want to take one thing off the window, look at it, and then get caught back up in the whole thing. Just… you know… stay out of my underwear drawer, okay?"

"Well now that you said _that_ , I'm going to have to do it," he teased, waggling his eyebrows.

She glared, though it wasn't very potent. Rick could see she was starting to hurt.

"Kate, I'll do it. I'll get your murder board. Right now I think we need to get you home so you can take your meds."

Kate nodded.

"Thanks, Castle."

"So," Rick began. "If the only way to go is up, where do we start?"

Kate bit her lip again. She knew what she wanted to ask him, but would it be too forward? Would it be…?

No. They were past 'forward'. She wanted both feet inside the door. To be there for him and for him to be there for her. It was time to dive into it together.

"Could you…? Castle, could you say it again? I'd like to hear it again – that is – if it still applies."

"Still applies? Kate, don't forget what I said my mother told me."

"Love is not a switch," they said it together and laughed.

"That's right," Rick smiled. "As much as I've tried, I can't turn it off. And if you're willing, I don't want to. I love you."

Tears spilled over Kate's cheeks, but she smiled her biggest, most beautiful smile and touched her lips to his.

"Reciprocated."

 ** _END_**

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 _A/N 2: And so it ends. This has been such a fantastic ride, and I'm still floored by how many of you followed and favorited. Most of this story was very dark and it was a challenge to turn it around to find a happy ending. You all give me confidence, and that's something I have trouble with. Thank you for reading. K_


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